PruHun: A-Z
by GermanBros24
Summary: Short collection of Prussia and Hungary moments. Fluffy and cute to sad and painful, humor and some perverted moments A-Z topics.
1. Chapter 1

**I don't own Hetalia!**

**A-Z PruHun one shot collection~! It's worth reading because I promise there will be A to Z- I won't just stop because well, I personally hate when that happens. So here is A! Will probably be updated soon.**

**A: Annoying**

Cackling madly the albino male ran though Austria's house with a blow horn at two am. Dashing through the halls he ran into the piano room and very kindly began hammering away on the ivory keys.

A disgruntled Roderich burst into the room, glasses askew, hair a mess and night gown wrinkled.

"Stop it now you obnoxious moron!" he yelled

Gilbert smiled and stopped. "Or what? Little night gown Roddy gonna chase me?"

"Why are you so insufferably annoying! Egotistical and irritating and just bluntly annoying?!" he yelled

Gilbert's smile fell.

"I'm not that annoying." He muttered

"You are a thorn in the side of everyone that knows you!" the irritated and tired Austrian yelled

"N-nein!" he protested, somewhat hurt

"You're a waste of space! You're a nuisance! You were tolerable at one point and got worse as time went on! Grow up already you annoying over grown boy!" he yelled angrily

Gilbert's shoulders dropped and he slowly left the room, head hung and sad faced looking like a whipped puppy.

He ran from the large house into the forest, where no one would find him.

"Stupid Roderich… I'm not… annoying!" he yelled at the nearest pine

Back in the house Roderich tiredly turned off lights and walked to his room. He was stopped by a steaming Hungarian.

"What did you do?!" she yelled

He blinked "What?"

She hit him "What did you say to Gilbert!"

He yelped and held his now hurting head "That he was annoying and obnoxious, so nothing he hasn't heard before by everyone else!" Roderich said frowning

She glared at him "I heard the whole thing! He may be obnoxious but don't say that to him!" she yelled, oddly irritated with the Austrian

He squirmed, fearful of her anger and more importantly, her frying pan

"He's gotten more and more annoying and obnoxious though!" he argued

"Since he was dissolved?' she screamed

He thought about it "Ja… he got worse after that."

She got the frying pan out and whacked him "When he was a country you couldn't miss him! You couldn't forget or ignore him! Now that he's dissolved he's looked over, some even forget him. Being annoying is how he makes sure no one forgets him!" she yelled at him

He blinked at her "Oh…"

She glared at him and turned to go find Gilbert.

He was out in the forest, sitting against a tree looking at the sky, Gilbird jumping around next to him. A crow dove down, and Gilbert scooped up the frightened yellow chick, protecting it.

"You miss being a big black eagle don't you? I miss being remembered… and feared…" he spoke to the bird sadly

"You are still remembered Gil." a voice said from behind him

He jumped up and spun around. Eliza was leaning against a tree looking at him.

"Ja? By who?" he asked quietly and bitterly, looking at the ground

She walked closer to him. "Your brother."

He scoffed "Only because I live in his house. Because I'm useless and don't have one!"

She sighed, and stood directly in front of him "France? Spain?"

He shook his head sadly "They know I'm here, but they're busy…it's like they don't remember me half the time"

Running out of people she quietly said "I remember you..."

He looked up, some surprise in his eyes. "Y-you do?"

"It is hard to forget the brave knight and proud nation of Prussia…" she muttered, looking away from him

His voice was cold "Until a proper gentleman comes into the picture. Who has a better country, more money, and clearly a better choice."

Glaring, she got into his face "We went over this before!"

"I know." He said quietly "I was at the wedding too…"

"I…I know…" she spoke softly, biting her lip

"I guess I was annoying then to huh?"

"Well you did dump a mug of beer over Roderick's head…" she said laughing

Gil grinned "Well had to have some fun!"

They were both quiet for a moment, before he said "I am sorry for bringing it up again…I guess Roderich was right. I am just an annoying ex nation.  
"No…he was wrong. You're a fun and lively man who happens to be an ex nation."

He rolled his eyes, and kept silent.

"If…I had to pick again…"

"You'd pick him!" he snarled, glaring as he cut her off

Eliza smacked him "Let me finish you moron! No, I'd pick you!"

Rubbing his head, Gil looked at her surprised "You would?"

Red faced, Eliza nodded

"Well…in that case…" he muttered, looking in the eye "You want me, or him?'

Smiling, he was tackled in a hug "I pick the annoying one."

**Thoughts on this ?**


	2. Chapter 2

**B: Butter**

"OI! Francis tape this! Toni watch!" Gil yelled, maybe just a tad bit drunk, at the top of the stairs in a laundry basket.

Eliza's laundry basket.

And ever the wise one, before he got in he dumped the clothes out for the others to see, showing off Eliza's shirts, pants, socks, bras and underwear.

Smirking he held up a lacy bra "Look at how huge this is! Like Francis, I_ so_ beat you when it comes to the ladies!" he bragged

The Frenchman huffed "You do not understand l'amour!"

Ignoring the comment, he shoved off, flying down the stairs, bumping and banging, and falling from the basket and slamming face fist into the landing and the banister.

"Mon ami! This will be a lovely video to make viral!" Francis said, shaking as he held the camera

Antonio wasn't much better, almost dying of laughter.

Gil on the other hand wasn't so happy, he groaned and tried to sit up.

There was just one tiny problem. His head was stuck in the banister.

"Help me you idiots!" he yelled, jerking his head.

To make the situation even better, the door opened, and Eliza walked into the messed up house with the three drunk males.

By the red of her face the Spaniard and Frenchman new better than to stay.

"Something has come up mi amigo…" Antonio said, bolting out the door, followed by Francis

Gil groaned, jerking and trying the free himself "Assholes!" he growled

Not that if it was one of them he would stay. Every man for himself!

Eliza stalked over to him, and stared him in the eye.

"_What _have you done?" she spoke in a low tone, a dangerous one he had come to know. A frying pan was bound to come out soon, and he picked his words with care, in no hurry to incur more brain trauma.

"Had Toni and Francis over…had a few drinks maybe…" he said lowly, avoiding eye contact, instead looking at the ground strewn with beer bottles

She glared at him for a long while before saying "Why is your head stuck in the banister?"

He looked at her slightly "Uh…I was surfing down the stairs."

"In?"

"The laundry basket…"

She looked at the pile of clothes at the top of the stairs, face reddening at the sight of all her clothing.

"MY LAUNDRY BASKET!?" she screamed

He winced, ever fearful of the evil cast iron demon "…Yes?"

Fuming, she shoved his head backwards, and he yelped "That hurts!"

"Not my fault you have a big head!"

He huffed "My head is not big! Your banister is just small!"

"Well the size of the banister wouldn't be a problem if your head wasn't stuck in it!"

Logically arguing back he growled "My head wouldn't be stuck if your banister was bigger!"

To shut him up she shoved again, trying to free his head.

"STOP HURTING THE AWESOME ME AND MY SEXY HEAD!"

She stopped shoving and stared at his pale hair "Heads are not sexy, you idiot!"

He gave the floor his signature perverted smirk and said in a low tone "Well, which head are we speaking about?"

Blushing furiously she smacked him over the head "Pervert!"

He laughed and she stomped off into the kitchen

"No! Don't leave me!" he cried

"I'm not! I'm getting butter so I can get your big head out of the banister!"

In a perverted mood still, he said with a wide grin "I know how big my head is, but are you that eager to butter it up? What you going to do afterward?" he wiggled his eyebrow

Blushing she smacked him with the pan "SHUT UP!"

"THAT HURT DAMNIT!"

"GOOD!"

The two fell into a silence as she buttered his neck and ears, then pulling on the two poles on either side of his head ordered "Pull your head out."

Straining backwards, he wrenched his head free of the banister, and grinned, wiping the butter off.

"Heh…thank you."

She threw the butter at him. "Clean down here! And if it is not clean by the time I get down here, you are sleeping outside!"

By the tone of her voice, she was dead serious.

Sighing, he went to put the butter away, in no mood to spend the night outside.

She smiled slightly, shaking her head as she walked upstairs "What an egotistical idiot…"

Putting her clothes back in the basket, she retreated to her room

"But life would be so boring without him."

**Thoughts?**


	3. Chapter 3

**C: Cooking**

Gil stood in the kitchen, staring at the skillet on the stove top.

"Ok…I need to cook my own dinner…not that hard…" he muttered to himself

Eliz would be home late, and unless he wanted to starve, he needed to cook.

Why could he not order out? Or go out?

First, it's hard to order when the phone doesn't work, because _someone_ spent all day talking and the bill didn't get paid because_someone _lost the bill.

Well…he was the second someone, but still!

And he couldn't go out because_someone_ wrecked the car. That would again be him…

So he was doomed to cook his own meal…but it didn't look that hard. There was the spoons…the big fork…the flat thing…then the knobs on the stove and the skillet…then knives and stuff in the fridge.

Opening the fridge he examined the content. Fruit, some jerky, noodles, butter and then in the freezer some frozen chicken.

He grinned and took the frozen chicken, fruit, jerky and noodles out.

"I'll make a casserole! Those always look like Lizzy just threw everything in the fridge in it anyway!"

The threw the frozen chicken into the pan, along with oil he found, and poked with the stove knobs, not pausing at the lighter, and jacking it on all the way. Then he got the knife out and started cutting the fruits up, not peeling them. Bananas, apples, and some weird fuzzy thing. He threw those in a cup, coughing

"Why does it smell weird?" he muttered to himself

Then he poked the unthawing chicken "What the hell?!"

Turning off the stove he wrapped the chicken in tin foil then put it in the microwave, turning it on for ten minutes.

He nibbled the jerky and threw the noodles that were already cooked and cold onto a plate along with his random fruit, setting it on the table. Feeling light headed he walked from the small kitchen while his tin foil chicken cooked.

"Why does it take so long!" he whined at the wall

Soon, his smoke alarms were going off.

Dashing into his smoky kitchen his eye grew wide, the microwave was on fire.

Tearing open the door, he was his tin foil chicken aflame. Smacking it out, he burned his hand.

Bad angling, he also knocked the flaming object into him.

Screaming he jumped on it repeatedly to stop that fire, then taking the hose from the sink and sprayed it on his burning chest.

Whimpering he stood soaked, pale skin bright red, in the middle of a smoking carbon monoxide filled kitchen with trampled burnt tin foil and chicken under his feet.

And that was the moment Eliza decided to walk through the front door.

"Gil!" She yelled happily

His eyes widened and he muttered "Fuck…"

She walked into the doorway and stood wide eyed, looking at her kitchen.

"Gilbert…" she said, threat in voice

"Uh…someone burned the frozen chicken…" he said, turning.

Her eyes widened even more seeing he was more of a mess than the kitchen. Rushing over she stepped on the burnt tin foil, glancing at it, but saying nothing.

"You burned yourself!"

He held his burnt right hand out, and she pulled off what was left of his charred and wet shirt.

Pursing her lips, she leaned closed to his hurt chest "The burn isn't that bad."

He grit his teeth refusing to say it hurt.

Shaking her head, she took his unhurt hand and led him into the bathroom to take care of the burns.

"I can't leave you home alone for more than eight hours!" she said to distract him.

"OI! I can be left alone if I have food to eat! This is why men shouldn't cook!"

Shaking her head she said "I bet you know how to make….whipped cream and chocolate."

He blushed "Well…every man knows how to make that…In case it ever runs out…"

She tapped his cheek "Naughty boy."

Cleaning the burns she wrapped his chest then did the same to his hand.

He muttered thanks and kissed her forehead.

"You need cooking lessons" she laughed, leaning on him.

"No, you need to leave me food!" he protested.

"Gilbert the microwave is no longer capable of heating food!"

"But the stove is unawesome! It didn't make fire!"

She sighed deeply "Now you're trying to kill yourself with carbon monoxide?"

"Don't we breathe that or something?" he muttered

"Yeah, if you want to die!" he yelled

"I'm not a scientist I don't know!" he yelled back

Shaking her head she sighed once more "Cooking lessons start tomorrow for you. Put a shirt on idiot."

He went to get a shirt muttering to himself. Eliza smiled "Idiot ruined my kitchen…" she shrugged "At least he didn't kill himself cooking… at least the kitchen is replaceable."

**Thoughts?**


	4. Chapter 4

Sorry, short one, but I'm on spring break, so I'll have E up pretty fast

**D: Dear**

It was early morning, around two am and a fuming Gilbert stood across the room from an equally angry Eliza. They had been fighting since early the night before.

"You're too immature!" she screamed

He glared "And you are too stuck up!"

He huffed and yelled "At least I have friends!"

Wounded, he replied "I have friends! AND AT LEAST I ONLY HAVE ONE GIRL!"

She stared, taking his implied comment badly "YOU THINK IM CHEATING?!"

Fed up, tired, and hurt he lost all control "I've seen the way you look at him! He's all proper, well mannered, wealthy_, perfect_!"

"AND YOU ARE NONE OF THOSE THINGS!" was her scalding reply

It hurt him, it hurt him deeply "Then why don't you go back to him?" he asked softly, looking down

She realized a line had been crossed in their argument, and felt bad. Still angry, she pushed him on

"Maybe I will."

His heart was slowly breaking "He would be better for you…"

She nodded, biting her lip "He would."

"But…I'd always love you more."

Her eyes widened and was slow to reply

"Ha…I'd even go to your wedding again…" he said, remembering how bad it hurt to see the one he loved marry another

"You would?" she asked

"Of course…and again, I wouldn't object, because he is better than me after all." Pain dripped from his voice and it was heartbreaking to hear.

Eliza hung her head and said "Have you really always loved me?"

He took no time to think "Of course dear."

Her head snapped up, his eyed widened

"Dear?" she asked, voice strained in surprise

His face was red, and he looked around at anything that wasn't her.

"Yes…dear."

Her heart melted, and anger forgotten, ran over to hug him.

Surprised but happy, he hugged her back and whispered "I'm sorry."

She shook her head "No…I am, I shouldn't have said those things about you."

He sighed "They're true…Roderich is proper, a true gentleman with manners. I'm still a rouge soldier…"

She shook her head and took his face in her hands "You are a proud knight…you have some manners."

He smiled slightly though it was sad "He's perfect though."

Her thumb rubbed his cheek "No, he's not. He has one great flaw…he's boring and you are a lot of things, but boring is not one."

His arms tightened around her, hugging closer.

"Whatever you say dear." His soft voice said

She smiled and kissed his cheek

"I love you..." Gil said softly, kissing her back

"I love you, and only you."

**Thoughts? **


	5. Chapter 5

**E: Emergency**

Eliza was used to some odd sights when she got home, life was pretty interesting living with Gilbert Bielschdmit, but of all the things she expected, like a brunt house, cops in the yard, wrecked cars, angry mobs, and just about anything else you could imagine, she did not expect this.

Gilbert usually greeted her when she came home, sometimes with a normal hello. Sometimes drunk off his ass streaking through the halls, and sometimes with a natural disaster. But this time, the house was eerily silent. His car was in the driveway though.

"Gil?" she called out.

There was no answer.

That's when she saw the half-drunk beer on the coffee table and the TV on, but no Gil.

And red spots on the floor and couch. Blood.

Her voice rose a few octaves "G-Gilbert!"

A soft groan emitted from the bathroom and she ran over.

He was collapsed on the floor, blood on the white tile floor, the sink, toilet, and his hands, mouth and shirt.

He barely moved when she came in the room, unable to. Tears of pain streaked down his cheek and he was curled in a ball.

"H-hallo…Lizzy…" he croaked, shaking.

"G-Gil! What happened?!" she shrieked, dropping to her knees beside him.

He looked like he was about to answer before a coughing fit took over. He screamed in pain, writhing and shaking from the force of his coughing, blood spattered his hand. It hurt, blinding white hot pain, like his lungs were being slowly ripped apart.

His screams only made it worse, but he couldn't help it. More tears streaked down his face.

Eliza freaked out, tearing her phone out and calling 911.

The operator picked up and asked "What is your emergency?"

"I think my boyfriend is dying!" she screamed

He twitched, groaning in pain

"Please stay calm, is he breathing?"

"HE'S BLEEDING EVERYWHERE!"

"Is he cut?"

"N-no coughing up blood!"

As if on cue, his coughing started again, and he wailed in agony, gripping his chest.

"Ok please calm down, I'm sending an ambulance right away. Where do you live?"

"7845 Kartenway Lane." She yelled, freaking out.

Gil's coughing died down

"Keep him conscious as long as you can."

She looked at him, his eyes were dim and he whispered "I'm tired…"

"You c-can't sleep yet Gil…" she whispered, tears in eyes

He groaned and muttered "D-don't cry…you look ugly w-when you do…"

She gave a weak smile, brushing his hair from his eyes.

Sirens wailed outside, and soon paramedics rushed in.

Eliza got out of their way and lets them get Gil onto a stretcher. He weakly muttered "Don't l-leave me…"

She choked up "I won't…"

He was rushed into the ambulance and they tore off, and she flew to her car, following, breaking the speed limit, running every light and nearly crashing a few times.

By the time she got there, Gil was already inside, and she was forced to wait in the waiting room.

The next two hours lasted a lifetime, and they were the worst two hours of her life.

A doctor finally came out and she jumped to her feet "Is he ok?!"

He nodded "Yes, he will be ok. He has tuberculosis, but if we treat it, it will not be a problem."

Her eyes widened, but she nodded and he led her into the room with him, then left them alone.

He was awake, hooked up to breathing machines

"Hospital gowns…s-suck." He muttered upon seeing her

Smiling with tears in eyes she walked up to his bedside and sat by him

"Why is that?"

He was weak, he had taken a battering, but he managed to smirk "They aren't very sexy…"

She laughed slightly and held his hand

"You…are an idiot."

He smiled over at her "_Your _idiot."

Leaning over she pecked his forehead "Yes, _my_ idiot."

It had been one hell of a night, and was not how she wanted to be greeted ever again.

Softly smiling, Gil fell asleep, his large and pale hand intertwined with her small one.

She watched him sleep, thankful he was alive. After all, if he was gone, who would greet her in surprising ways when she got home?

**Thoughts?**


	6. Chapter 6

**F: Fail**

When someone yelled "Hold my beer and watch this!" it usually never ends well.

Especially when this person is a certain albino, hanging out with a perverted Frenchman and an oblivious Spaniard in a club.

Eliza was at home, thinking Gil was with his brother, not watching pole dancers.

Well, she was very wrong.

"H-hold my beer…T-Toni watch this!" Gil slurred, looking drunk, handing off his beer.

He even had the tie around his head, the universal sign of a drunken man. To top it off he jumped upon the table.

"Mon ami, what are you doing?"

"BEING AWESOME!" he yelled as a new song came on. He then began jamming out on air guitar, catching attention from all over the bar.

Antonio watched amused and Francis took his phone out, being a good friend and not stopping Gil's drunken actions, just preserving them so he could torment him later.

Doing basically everything a logical drunk would do, he jumped a few tables and went over to the DJ, pushing him out of the way.

"I-I got this…" he muttered, flipping through songs.

Francis got closer and Gil smirked, finding what he wanted.

Antonio watched from the table, confused until he heard song lyrics.

"_My girlfriends a dick magnet, my girlfriends got have it,_

_she's hot, can't stop, up on stage doing shots,_

_Hit the money, ring the bell,_

_Get her drunk she'll scream like hell._

_Dirty girl getting down, dance with guys from outta town,_

_grab her ass actin' tough, mess with her she'll fuck you up_

_No one really knows, if she drunk or if she's stoned, but she's coming back to my place tonight!_

_She likes to shake her ass, she grinds it to the beat, she likes to pull my hair when I make her grit her teeth, I like to strip her down, she's naughty to the end._

_There's no doubt about it she's a bad bad girl-friend"_

_(Bad Girlfriend: Theory of a Deadman)_

Gilbert sung along with it then screamed at the instrumental, with a picture perfect 'a-ha' moment face

"THAT'S ELIZA FOR YOU! SHES SECERTLY A SADIST TOO! ALL INTO BDSM!"

Francis whistled lowly, having filmed this all. He wasn't so sure if Gil was just that drunk or if his Hungarian was really that fun. He just may have to find out.

She did like hitting him a lot come to think of it…

Gil skipped away from the DJ's stuff, the bouncers leaving him be since he was amusing the entire bar.

Francis was laughing his ass off, and Antonio was grinning at his pale friend, who decided to join the dancers on stage.

Antonio was a little buzzed, and of course rather dense, so without seeing any harm, he just had to send that to Eliza. He snapped the picture and sent it, then watched as the three dancers and Gil started rocking out.

Eliza was half asleep on the couch when the phone went off. Thinking it was Gil, she sat up and looked at it, surprised to see it was Antonio.

Opening the text with the picture her face grew red in anger.

"Oh he is _so_ dead!" she growled grabbing her car keys and storming out the door.

Francis meanwhile was sitting by the stage and yelled "Strip!"

Gil didn't hear who said that, just the words, but it sounded like a good idea to him.

By this point half the occupants were filming the albino's antics, and he didn't disappoint, swinging around on the nearest pole, smirking and shedding his hoodie, slowly stalking on the stage, teasingly running hands over his clothed chest.

Francis' eyes widened, still filming. Antonio was watching with maybe a little bit too much enthusiasm.

Grinding on the pole he slowly pulled his shirt off, tossing it into the crowd.

It was at this moment, Antonio found himself staring intently. Francis wolf whistled, and a steaming Hungarian burst through the doors.

Gil had walked to another pole, with some difficult, hanging upside down, still in his boots and jeans. He smirked and run his hand on his chest towards his pants, before he caught sight of his girlfriend.

Drunk or sober, his mind worked enough to know he was in some serious trouble.

That's when he lost his grip on the pole and slid down, hitting his head, then fell flat on his face.

Francis sniggered "Fail."

Gil groaned, but Eliza had no sympathy for him, jerking his by his hair off the stage and to his feet.

He grinned stupidly "Hallo!"

She smacked him across the face and he pouted "Lizzy! That's not nice!"

Francis snickered, still filming this, with every intention of posting it on YouTube.

She grabbed his hoodie from the stage and shoved it at him "Put it on if you enjoy living." She growled

He thought about not listening, but her glare scared him a bit and he put it on.

"We are going home now!" she yelled dragging him to the door.

Francis stopped recording, and kindly sent it to Eliza before going to join Antonio again.

Gil blacked out in the car and when they got home Eliza dragged him into the house and not very nicely threw him on the couch.

In the morning when Gil woke he was aware of two main things. His head hurt a _lot_.

Then he realized that was only one thing, so he concluded his brain was still not functioning very well.

He groaned and sat up, looking around, his head hammering.

He found Eliza in the chair across from him, the coffee table between them and a laptop on it which she was watching intently.

"You, have over 5,000 views on YouTube." She said as she saw him move.

He rubbed his head "For what?"

"For your epic fail."

He walked over and sat next to her, and she replayed the video for him. His eyes grew wide and he bit his lip.

She was going to murder him.

"BDSM?!" she yelled making him wince

"I didn't know I knew that song…" he muttered

"BAD GIRLFRIEND?!" she yelled again

"Damn I make a hot stripper…" he said wincing again, totally ignoring her

She was about to yell again but he was convinced his head would explode if she did, so he leaned over and kissed her.

Which only worked for about three seconds before she bit his lip _hard_ and shoved him away.

He groaned and rubbed his head, the fast movement not helping his massive hangover.

"Stop Liz…" he begged, just wanting to sleep again

"You deserve it!" she said, hitting is leg

"See? There's the S- sadist!" he smirked lightly, clearly not thinking because he was pushing his limits

Her glare was venomous and she snarled at him "Speak another word and I will tie you up and lock you in your room! You are all over the internet and I'm getting calls from everybody!"

He used his awesome selective hearing and only heard the first sentence.

"Found the B…."

She hadn't slept all night, she was tired, stressed, and pissed at him and in no mood to deal with this.

"Gil?"

He glanced at her

She smacked him with her pan and knocked him out, letting him sleep off the hangover and giving her some much needed silence.

Scanning the comments on the video she chuckled "Yes, he does fail…he fails miserably."

She smiled and looked over at his sleeping form "But he does give some good entertainment."

**Thoughts?**


	7. Chapter 7

**G: Google**

It was an oddly silent night in Gil and Eliza's home, as both were tired and in separate rooms.

No fighting, cursing, or explosions to murder the silence.

Gil was downstairs on the couch, laying with his laptop on his stomach, typing in German to his brother who was in Italy. He was shirtless since his stupid laptop was blowing hot air on him.

Eliza was upstairs giggling madly as her and other female nations were sharing gossip about their fellow nations. She had her pajamas on, which was just one of Gil's shirts, which went down to her mid-thigh. Otherwise she had nothing besides socks.

Gil typed out a short response to Ludwig: 'When we going to do it?' and hit send.

Eliza heard a bing and looked at her notifications. Her lazy ass boyfriend had sent her an email instead of walking up the stairs of, heaven forbid, opening his mouth and yelling.

Opening the email, she saw it in German and huffed. He knew she didn't read German and was doing this just to piss her off.

Opening Google Translate she put the sentence in and put it into English.

'When we making it' was what she got.

Her brow furrowed in confusion, but since Gil kindly sent her a message in a language she didn't read, she returned the favor, sending him 'what?' in Hungarian.

Just about to yell at Ludwig for answering so slow, he got a message from Eliza.

"She can't walk her pretty little ass down here?" he muttered, opening it, surprised to see it in Hungarian.

"The fuck?" he wondered out loud, not understanding the word.

He opened Google Translate, and put the word in, pissed he had to do extra work. She knew he didn't understand Hungarian.

'What is it' is what came up

He stared in confusion, never realizing he sent the message to Eliza not Ludwig.

"She made me look up Hungarian, I'll make her look up German." He muttered, typing out 'You sent me a message first!'

Upstairs Eliza got another bing, and checked another German message from Gil.

"That little shit!" she growled, translating getting 'She sent me a message first'

Her eyes narrowed dangerously, typing back to him in Hungarian 'WHO IS SHE?!'

Downstairs his confusion got worse. He didn't need to understand Hungarian to understand caps lock meant anger.

He translated and got 'Who's that girl.'

'Calm down... there is no she' he typed to her in German

Upstairs Eliza was fuming and waiting for an answering, again pissed to see it was in German.

Hurriedly translating she got 'Calm down…there is no they' with a suggestion of 'there is no you'

Pissed off to the fullest she sent him an angry message of 'You are being so vague and such an asshole!'

In her rage she mistyped, so when he got the message and translated it, he got

'You are uncertain, I will do you in the asshole.'

He stared at the screen for a good two minutes, not sure what to think, or say.

She got it right, he was damn uncertain…Since when was she so kinky?

Angry she wasn't getting an answer from him, she stormed down the stairs and over to him, staring down at him.

He looked up at her, not in fear like she was expecting. No anger either.

He just looked really confused and curious.

"Uh…Lizzy…" he started, looking up at her

She huffed and crossed her arms over her chest.

"You…you want to _do _me in the ass?" he asked, confusion in voice

Her face grew bright red. "HELL NO!_Where_ in the world did you get that idea?!" he screamed

He sat up and sat the computer next to him, the page still on Google.

"Uh, from you?" he said

"I SAID YOU WERE VAUGE AND_BEING _AN ASSHOLE!"

He looked a bit relieved "Google told me otherwise." He said showing her the translation

"Well Google told me there is a she! And no they and no me!"

"No…there is _no_ she…" he said confused

"Fuck Google then." He growled, her anger wearing off.

"Well if it actually did grammar it would help…" he muttered standing up.

"If your stupid language didn't have 3 'sie's it would help!" she muttered

"Hey at least my language doesn't have funny looking letters."

She glared at him "It so does!"

"Why did you send me a message in Hungarian anyway?" he asked, crossing his own arms.

She looked over his chest, stepping closer and poking his red and heated side.

"This is why you don't put the laptop on your skin idiot. And I didn't send the first message, you did!"

He looked at her, tugging at the baggy shoulder "My shirt? And no! What did the first message say? In German."

She raised her eyebrow "Wann gehen wir es machen, or something like that."

He sighed "When we going to do this…it was for Luddy…" he muttered

She shook her head and smacked him lightly "Idiot."

He grinned and hugged her, whispering in her ear "Your idiot…that you want to do in the ass."

Her face burned red and she hit him in the back of the head.

He chuckled, grabbing her ass from the hug.

She squeaked in surprise and slapped him. "Jerk!"

He grinned, rubbing his red face "Your fault for wearing that."

She shook her head and went back upstairs, muttering about is immaturity.

But as immature and stupid as he was, it had its pluses. How else do you get into a Google Translate war that ends with doing him in the ass?

**Thoughts? and should one of the chapters include smut?**


	8. Chapter 8

**H: Hand**

Eliza was busy in the kitchen cooking a large dinner. Gilbert had invited his brother and Feliciano over. And while she loved and adored the cute Italian boy, he was picky when it came to eating.

Also, Ludwig and Gil both ate like horses. So not only did she need to cook a excellent dinner, but she needed to cook a lot.

No problem, she could do that!

Only problem was Gil had decided to tell her this at five pm. Their guests would be there at six thirty. She was talented. But maybe not _that _talented.

Bustling about the kitchen she made at least four boxes of pasta while cooking bratwurst simultaneously simmering a homemade tomato sauce, searching for a place to buy good wine, skinning potatoes and shredding cheese.

As the clock ticked down she got a bit frazzled. Gil was not doing anything, just watching a soccer game on TV.

"Gil! Give me a hand!" she yelled

He really didn't want to get up. The game was good, his beer was cold, the couch was comfy…

"GILBERT!" she screamed

Guess he didn't have a choice. As he rose a smirk found its way to his lips. Sure, he'd help. He'd make her wish she never asked.

"Give you a hand?" he asked, sauntering into the room. "I thought you were busy…did the food network turn you on or something?" he asked

She glared and smacked him. "No! Idiot…" she growled, shoving potatoes at him. "And if you listened I said _hand_! Not finger."

He chuckled and silently went on peeling the potatoes as she cooked everything else.

When he was done he tried to slip away but she saw and barked "You are going nowhere!"

He sighed "Fine, what now, master?" he drawled

She shivered. The jerk knew she loved his submission…even if he was being sarcastic.

"Go across the street to the store and get a bottle of wine." She said, handing him a paper with a full description.

He sighed, leaving to get the wine. He would have taken his sweet time but Mother Nature must have been plotting with Eliza because it was a total downpour and only around forty degrees.

He hurried across the street into a small shop, which must have had the air condition on because it was freezing in there.

"Who the fuck keeps a store this cold?" he growled under his breath, shivering as he roamed about, dripping on the floor and looking for the wine.

Finally locating it, he grabbed it and quickly paid before dashing out into the rain again.

"I'm going to get hypothermia from this…" he muttered, hair sticking to his forehead and his clothes to his body.

Running up the driveway of his house he slid inside, teeth chattering and shivering.

"Got your damn wine." He called, going into their laundry room and stripping to his boxers.

He smirked and walked into the kitchen with the wine. "Here"

When she turned she nearly dropped the sauce pan. No doubt her boyfriend was hot but…here he was, wet and nearly naked, that stupid smirk on his face, and his soft hair plastered to his head.

Red face she managed to choke out "P-put some damn clothes on! Where the hell did yours go?!"

He just grinned "You sent me out in the rain. You would yell if I came into the kitchen soaking and dripping now wouldn't you?"

She sighed. Damn him, he knew how to make rules work to his advantage.

"Go find yourself some damn clothes!" she yelled, going back to frantically cooking.

"But I thought you needed my hand? And what if I got my clothes dirty huh? If it's just my skin I can make you like it off." He said with an amused expression, laughing

Her face burned "CLOTHES! NOW!"

Still laughing and grinning he walked to go get dressed.

She mashed the potatoes and shoved them in the oven, kept the sauce n simmer to keep it warm, put the shredded cheese into a bowl, checked the bratwurst and stirred the pasta.

It was nearly six by now, and she wasn't dressed.

When Gil came down the stairs again her eyes widened. He was just being a jerk now…

He strode in, dressed nicely in black pants and a white button up shirt along with black tie. He knew very well she just loved it when he dressed nice.

"Why so…nicely dressed?" she asked, looking him over and frowning to see his pants unbuttoned and unzipped.

"So West cant bitch!" he said happily, the perfect excuse

"Why…are your pants undone?" she huffed, dreading the answer yet also getting impatient.

"Because…I need a hand." He said with a dark chuckle.

She deeply considered whacking him again but didn't want to deal with him complaining about a head ache or head trauma…or listen to Ludwig complain she killed his last few brain cells.

It was six twenty now, she had no time left and was forced to give in, quickly crossing over and trying to zip his pants.

Only issue was the zipper stuck.

His smirk grew and she blushed in embarrassment, jerking at his stupid zipper in a rough motion.

"Hey now Liz, I didn't mean that kind of hand…though I would enjoy that…" she said

She smacked him again and finally got the zipper up, dashing to go get dressed. If he was going to tease her she'd tease him.

Dressing in the tight black and very short dress of hers, she left the back unzipped and quickly fixed her hair before rushing downstairs to see Gil actually had done something useful and taken all the food and set it on the table, poured wine for her and Feliciano, and gotten beers for him and Ludwig.

He turned to face her as he heard her approaching and when he looked up his eyes widened.

"Give me a hand?" she asked, smirking and turning to show him her exposed back.

He walked over, slowly zipping it for her, running his finger over her back as he did. She shivered and her smirked whispering in her ear "You know what happens when you tease a beast?"

Before she could answer the door bell rang and he went to answer it, letting the two men in.

He greeted his brother then promptly went to harass the small Italian. Eliza walked to the door and greeted them, shoving Gil to make him shut up.

"If you'd take a seat in the kitchen we can start eating." She said sweetly to them

Ludwig and Feli both walked over, Feli waving his arms and squealing as he smelled the pasta.

Gil went to walk away but Eliza grabbed his arm and shoved him against the wall, getting into his face, her green eyes flashing "Give me a hand by behaving…" her hand trailed down to the front of his pants and rubbed "…And if your good, I'll give you one."

He shuddered and quickly nodded eyes wide at her actions. Then she casually backed away and flounced into the kitchen.

He stared at her back for a moment, took and deep breath and walked into the kitchen.

Maybe helping her out wasn't that bad…

**Thoughts?**


	9. Chapter 9

**Well I've grandly messed up my back and can barely sit so, I do apologize if this chapter sucks... I tried **

**I: Ice Skating**

It was a cold December evening and Gil and Eliza sat on the couch with each other. Both were getting bored by this point. It wassix pm and they hadn't done really anything all day due to the freezing cold outside.

Gil started channel surfing and flipped a channel that had ice skating on.

Eliza sat up "Gil where's the nearest ice skating ring?" she asked

He thought for a moment "Not that far…"

She jumped from the couch and dragged him to his feet. "Let's go!" she said, her green eyes bright and happy

He looked at her. Well he was pretty bored… and she just looked so damn happy to think of going. "Do you know how to ice skate?" he asked

She blushed and looked at the ground "No…"

He grinned evilly. He just _loved _when she couldn't do things. She hated it, always looked so stupid and vulnerable. He was not going to miss this opportunity.

"I guess I'll just have to teach you." He said grinning still.

She did not like the look of that grin…at all. "Ok…" she muttered, walking away to go and get dressed for the cold.

He chuckled, trudging to the front door and getting his coat on, digging gloves out of the closet, then sliding his shoes on and grabbing the car keys.

Eliza walked over in boots, hat, gloves, scarf, and coat. He chuckled at seeing her.

She glared "It's like ten degrees out!"

"Alright whatever you say Ms. Penguin." he taunted, opening the door and walking out to the car in their snowy driveway.

Wrenching open the slightly frozen door her sat on the cold seat and stuck the key in the ignition, making the German engine hum to life.

Eliza sat down next to him, hurriedly shutting the door.

Gil backed up and rolled down their driveway heading towards the outdoor ice ring.

The tires left tracks in the fresh snow. The ground was blanketed with the fluffy snow, it hung to the threes, houses and parked cars.

The ride was short and when Gil parked Eliza saw lights that shone over freshly cleared ice. A few people skated, but most people were hiding inside. A rail went around the ice to give something to hold on to. There was a small both with skate rentals and Gil trotted over to it, his feet throwing up snow.

Eliza giggled as she followed her boyfriend. He seemed excited as he handed her a pair of skates. He walked to a bench and plopped down on it, taking his shoes off and easily lacing the skates on.

Eliza got her shoes on, but fumbled with the long laces and getting her foot into the small shoe.

"Gil you got the wrong size." She whined at him

He smirked. That marked the start of his fun. "No I didn't, ice skates are tight." He answered as she finally shoved her foot into it.

He smirked and kneeled in the snow and tied the laces for her as she blushed. Who the hell made laces so long!

To further amuse Gil, when she stood she promptly fell forward into his arms.

"Someone forget how to stand?" he teased

She normally would have smacked him, but if she did, he may fall and there was no way she could get up. And knowing Gil, she would end up pinned under him then, which wasn't bad…but they were in public.

Gil laughed at her and dragged her to the ice, stepping on first, his hands holding hers.

She slowly put a foot on the ice, then the other. Well that wasn't too bad, she could handle that much.

That's when Gil started to slide backwards and she squeaked in surprise then blushed.

He smirked, damn was this going to be fun.

"Calm down, we aren't even going that fast." He said in a teasing tone

She glared at him, holding his hands tighter.

His snowy white hair was dusted with a few fresh snow flakes, his red eyes where shining with light and his clear happiness. His smirk was even fading into a smile. His gloves and coat were black which contrasted nicely with his pale skin.

He caught her staring but didn't say anything, looking at her. He loved the way her soft brown locks of hair bordered her face, he loved the slight blush on her cheeks, and the dazzling brightness of her eyes. Her gray gloved hand fit perfectly in his, and even if he would never say it, he lived for the moments like this. Moments when it seemed like they were the only two people alive.

He pulled her to the center of the ice and there started to skates, pulling her around the circle. She did her best to not fall on her face, but eventually got used to it, even started to mimic Gil's movements and skate herself, yet their hands remained intertwined.

"Try it on your own." He spoke, smiling as he let go of her hand

She stumbled and almost fell, and would have if he wasn't so fast to catch her, falling right into his chest.

He laughed at her as she tried to gain her footing, and failed. He didn't help, just held her up.

Her was pressed into his coat, her hands on his forearms in a death grip. Times like this she just hated him. He really just couldn't help?

Yet she also loved him for it, he made her work.

Breathing she inhaled the scent from his coat, a nice and calming cologne that he always seemed to wear.

He smiled down at her, yet she couldn't see it. He did finally help her to her feet, yet he held her in his arms still, smiling.

She shook her head and smiled up at him. "You're a real jerk sometimes."

"Sometimes?" he asked with a laugh

By now they were the only two left on the ice but the lights were still on.

Both looked at each other in silence, just happy with each other. Two people intertwined in the mess called life. The other half to the mystifying puzzle that solves the mystery.

"I love you." Gil said softly, looking down at her.

She smiled. The blush on his cheeks didn't look like it was from the cold. Now it was her turn to tease "Someone's blushing." She said poking her cheek

He scowled and shook her head, but she leaned up and kissed his cheek and whispered "Love you too."

And she meant it, the pale man was a pervert, an idiot, lazy, made things harder than they had to be, and irritated her sometimes. But none of that mattered, it made Gil who he was. It also made him something else.

Hers.

**Thoughts? Hope it didn't suck!**


	10. Chapter 10

**J: Jail**

Friday nights tended to be rather chaotic when it came to Gil. He'd go out drinking with Francis and Antonio and get drunk and stumble home. Maybe.

If he did manage to make it home he was usually in handcuffs, in varying stages of nakedness, or blacked out. Neither of those things really pleased Eliza.

Her favorite was when he came home in the arms of two pissed off cops, in his boxers, blacked out with at least three girls numbers shove into his boxers.

But that was until tonight, when he didn't come home at all. When she started to actually consider going to find him the phone rang and she answered it.

"Hello?" she asked, unfamiliar with the number

"Yes hello, is this the house where Gilbert Bielschdmit lives?" a stern voice asked

Her brows furrowed "Yes…why?" she had the feeling it was some girl her drunk boyfriend had given the number to. And if that was the case she had a few choice words for the little skank, Gil was stupid, but damnit she was not sharing

"Yes well this is the police department, your boyfriend said to call you."

She was half relieved and yet more worried "And why are you calling?"

"He is too drunk to speak and seems scared."

Her eyes narrowed. The drunk part she understood. The fact he was scared satisfied her a bit, he should be scared. It also pissed her off. Now the cops probably thought she was abusive and controlling!

"I'll come pick him up…" she muttered and hung up, grabbing the car keys and driving down to the station.

In the jail, Gilbert, Francis, and Antonio sat in a holding cell.

"Man, that bartender really meant business!" Francis groaned, rubbing his eyes

"She told you at least eight times to back off. You deserved the pepper spray." Gil muttered

"So did you deserve to be punched in the face?" Francis asked

"I DIDN'T KNOW SHE HAD A BOYFRIEND!"

"Mi amigo, did you forget you had a girlfriend?" Antonio asked from the far side of the bench

"Oi, Toni, did you forget you have a seriously messed up boyfriend?" Gil growled at him, rubbing his bruised cheekbone

"He wasn't supposed to come with! I didn't think Lovi would get so angry!"

Francis chortled "He wouldn't have if Gil didn't start saying how Ludwig was plowing Feli."

Gil sighed "I've never seen him so mad…he seemed too small to break a table. Why'd you take the blame for that anyway Toni?"

Antonio smiled but said nothing.

Francis kept rubbing his eyes and Gil was for once silent. Man would Eliza be pissed.

As if on cue the angry Hungarian ran over to the cell and glared at them through the bars.

"Gilbert." She growled

He smiled weakly "Lizzy?"

The glare he got made him shrink into the wall. She was radiating anger.

Francis and Antonio watched the tense standoff with amused expressions.

"Mind telling me why you are in there?" she snarled in a low tone, her eyes piercing

"…Do I have to?" he asked slowly

Her venomous glare was his only reply.

"Well…I got a little buzzed…started a friendly conversation with a girl, got punched in the face, so I threw my beer at the man, kissed his girlfriend, and ran around the bar shirtless and screaming…" he said looking at the ground

"I wouldn't call that a public disturbance at all." He weakly added

"Gilbert you better be thankful these bars are between us because if they weren't you would be a dead man!"

"But….I like living…" he said pouting. He was still slightly drunk and not being fully intelligent.

Well, fully intelligent by his standards.

The cop took his dear time coming over and finally letting them all out.

Francis and Antonio quickly exited, going to call other people to take them home, abandoning their albino friend to his lovely and fuming girlfriend.

He remained sitting on the bench, looking at Eliza. He was probably too drunk to really walk but his main reason for sitting was the fact he was missing the safety of the iron bars.

Eliza walked into the cell and grabbed him by the ear, making him stand up.

"THAT'S MY EAR!" he yelled

She jerked it "I never would have guessed."

"I need that for listening!" he yelped, following her as she walked. Not that he had a choice.

"Why? You never listen anyway!" she yelled, dragging him out to the parking lot

"I do sometimes!" He protested

She let go and stared up at him "When it's convenient for you!"

He smirked "That is still listening isn't it?"

She shook her head and lightly shoved him "Get in the car."

He stumbled to the passenger side and started pushing on the door.

"It's not opening!" he whined, pushing harder.

Eliza sighed, setting her head against the steering wheel "Try pulling it, you idiot."

He pulled it and grinned as the door opened. Quickly sitting inside he shut it and leaned against the seat.

"You aren't going out next weekend." She muttered, staring up the car

He lightly smiled "Then I guess you'll just have to keep me busy."

She blushed and huffed, lightly smacking him. "Perv."

He chuckled and kept his eyes shut. She just drove in silence.

She probably had the world's stupidest boyfriend. Or at least the most obnoxious and troublesome. She lost count of how many times she had to come get him from jail.

But she did have to say he was worth the trouble. He was worth every visit to jail and angry phone calls. She didn't know what about him made it worth it, she wouldn't have dealt with any other man that did this and he knew that.

He was special.

**Thoughts?**


	11. Chapter 11

**So while most the time this was pretty much fully personified, this chapter will be less so. I mean, come on, Gil and Liz meet each other when they were little knights, what kind of fic would this be if it didn't have that? So yes in this particular chapter, they are nations, timeless, really old etc.**

**K: Knight**

Rock music was blasting through the house, shaking objects on tables and annoying the neighbors. Eliza was about to go kill Gilbert but if she did that, the upstairs closet would never get clean.

Gil was upstairs, pissed about the fact he had to clean the closet. He was way too awesome for such a stupid task! But Eliza did not see it the same way…so he listened. But no way is hell would he be bossed around so easily! Which is why he had music blasting on full volume along with full bass.

He dug through the closet, which had mostly his stuff. In the front was newer stuff, shoe boxes, books he got for Christmas that he didn't read, some nice clothes West got for him that he despised. A black box that had no dust whatsoever and held…toys…of sorts…

He had gotten past that to some old war stuff, a case with his Luger, a box with his Nazi uniform and newspaper clippings…he kept those things for a lesson, not out of pride. Never again would such things happen. He had a flintlock musket leaned against the wall and an Iron Cap. He chuckled "Iron heads…"

By the WWII things in a black shadow box he had news clippings declaring the dissolution of his kingdom. He had a Prussian WWI era uniform in the box too, on the wall hung a massive Prussian flag, but there was a spot for it in the box. He even had a brick from the Berlin Wall in the box.

He sighed and shoved past those things, uncovering pictures of him and Otto von Bismarck. He smiled seeing the gruff old man, what a genius he had been. He helped unite Germany under Prussia. He moved the picture and found old maps and sighed. Battle maps.

He had a map of the land where the Franco-Prussian War began. Even the declaration of war but he didn't need those things to remember that war, the looks of betrayal… Shaking his head he tore through more of the closet and found a broken sword wrapped in a torn up cloak. Austria's sword, he broke it in the Austro- Prussian war, with Bismarck.

He loved and hated his history. He was proud and then he was ashamed. He turned on a friend, Francis. He turned on an old ally, and family, Austria. This did nothing more than prove the cries of 'beast, monster, demon' true.

He didn't mind actually cleaning the closet…he didn't mind clearing dust off of boxes. He just minded digging up old memories and dusting those off.

He found old papers declaring the Danish colonies of Holstein as Austria's, who had been his ally at that time, and Schleswig as his.

Digging farther into the closet he found a really old newspaper, declaring Prussia under the Hollenzehers a new nation. He smiled…he was the country born of war, the War of Austrian Succession. He was the Lord of War, he would always be so… He didn't care what the other nations said. Back at his height, no one could have bested him in a land war. Who would dare even try? Even the great Napoleon hated to confront him. He _was_ a demon of war. He'd move in a blur, sword flashing in the light. His eyes would burn in blood lust, burn like the pits of hell. He could scare an entire army, his name stuck fear into brave warriors… but that was a long time ago.

Now, nobody knew his name and nobody feared him.

He was sitting in his closet by now as he neared the back. The first thing he realized was how damn dusty it was in here. He turned his head to look around, he was at the back, not much left in here. The only thing back here was his Teutonic Knight stuff.

His sword leaned on the wall, the hilt was black metal wrapped in worn black leather, it was sheathed in a black leather case, a few silver circles wrapped around the case, holding the leather onto it. Then, neatly folded were a thread-bare, blood, mud, and dirt stained white tunic and breeches. Polished black boots and a shining sword belt were right beside it. His chainmail sat in a pile, along with his bracers and greaves. His black gauntlets sat on top of his tunic.

Many emotions crossed over him and he sat in silence staring at the uniform. Finally he dragged himself from the closet, all the objects in hand. He sat on the bed, looking sideways at the objects. He killed the radio and sat in silence for another long moment.

His hand reached out on its own accord and grabbed his sword. He bit his lip as he stood and with a slow motion pulled the sword from its case. The blade fit his hand perfectly it was just like an extension of his arm. Perfect weight and perfect length.

He smiled, slashing the air in front of him.

Downstairs Eliza was unsure about the silence. Maybe his radio had died?

Or maybe he ditched out the window…that sounded like something he'd do.

She started upstairs for him and came into the room, surprised he was still there, and even more surprised he stood with a sword in his hand.

"Gil…?" she asked, walking in

He lowered the sword and looked at her "Sorry…I was…just cleaning out the closet like you told me, and I found this…"

She walked over to the bed and eyes his uniform, smiling. It may have been his uniform, but it still had memories for her.

Good and bad ones…

Gil put his sword away, tossing it on the bed. Eliza looked at his uniform and muttered

"You should put it on…"

He stared at her then back at it, slowly nodding and pulling his clothes off. She turned away blushing and he chuckled lightly, carefully putting the old clothes back on.

His pants fit, the tunic was slightly big, he had lost height it seemed. His boots fit well, and he strapped on the braces and graves, then his sword and sword belt. Finally he pulled his gauntlets on.

The chainmail wasn't worth the hassle to put on and it lay on the bed.

Eliza turned and whistled "You still fit in it."

He nodded slowly "I do…"

She stepped closer "Your missing two things." She said smirking slightly

He frowned down at her "I am?"

"Yes, first…you're missing this," she said, standing close and pulling on a hidden chain around his neck. Pulling the Prussian Cross out she dropped it and let it bounce on the chain and his chest.

"And…your missing this." She said, wrapping her arms around him

He smiled and hugged her "I was missing you? I didn't realize you were an accessory."

She smacked the back of his head "You seem to have forgotten your knight manners."

He scoffed "Like I ever had them!" he smirked "You seem to be missing your boy uniform."

She blushed and hit him again "I didn't know I was a girl! Shut up!"

He laughed, smiling widely "That still amused me."

"Shut it, Crotch Cloth."

Now it was his turn to blush, he muttered "At least I was nice enough to help you."

She looked up at him "Yes…you were."

He leaned down and kissed her softly, hugging her still.

She smiled against his lips. Most people changed with time, but not him. He was an idiot a thousand years ago, and he'll be an idiot for another thousand years.

But he will be her idiot and her knight.

**Thoughts?**


	12. Chapter 12

L: Lick  
It was a slow Tuesday night and Gil and Eliza sat on the couch, watching TV together. Unfortunately for Gil, Eliza held control of the remote, so he was watching 'Say Yes to the Dress' and about ready to blow his brains out.  
"For the love of God! Why is it so hard for them to find a damn dress? Why must everyone have an opinion?!"  
She waved him off "Shut up Gil."  
"Change the channel!" he begged  
"No." she said, watching the show intently  
He groaned and knocked his head against the back of the couch.  
The bottom screen said 'Four Weddings' was coming on next followed by 'What not to Wear.'  
He could not take much more of TLC tonight. He was one bride-mother meltdown from breaking the TV.  
Now he was no stranger to these nights of torture. He and Liz fought over the remote quite a bit, which is why she was holding it rather protectively in her hand between her leg and the arm of the couch.  
He needed to distract her to get the remote, so he began to plot.  
"Hey Liz can you make me some food?" he asked  
"No." was her short reply.  
He sighed "…Something's burning…"  
She turned and looked at him "You're not getting the remote Gil."  
"That's what you think." He said smirking  
She sighed and went back to watching the show. He wasn't going to get her to move…  
A brilliant idea struck him and he leaned closer, in response she shifted and hid the remote better. But instead of going to grab it, he licked her on the arm.  
The TV was paused as she turned to smack him. "…Did you just seriously lick me?"  
He was pleased with his idea and instead on answering her, lunged for the now open remote.  
She jerked her arm up and kneed him in the side, making him miss the remote and fall to the floor. But he grabbed her and pulled her onto the floor with him.  
"GILBERT!" she yelled in surprise and some anger.  
He chuckled and struggled to his knees and looked for the remote.  
Which Eliza had logically shoved into her shirt.  
"I will go in after that you know." He said looking at her  
"Not if you enjoy breathing!" she replied crossing her arms  
He had to deeply consider this…breathing or TV…  
TV it is. He lurched forward and pinned her on her back, sitting on her stomach.  
"Give it to me, or I take it." He said looking down at her with arrogant confidence  
Oh this was so not happening to her. Eliza punched him in the chest and not softly at all. He winced then pouted "Why so mean…"  
Then he smirked "Alright, I'll get it." He moved his hand towards the neck line of her shirt but her grabbed his hand and licked it.  
Now he froze and looked down at her "Did you seriously just lick me?"  
She smirked and threw him off of her "I did."  
That was just not acceptable. He stalked back over to her and pinned her against the wall.  
"All I want is the remote!"  
Her green eyes met his red ones "You aren't getting it."  
He shook his head "Oh yes I will."  
She glared and kicked him in the shin, promptly pinning him to the wall. "No, I really don't think so."  
He pouted. This was just not working out very well. "I cannot watch another freaking bride meltdown!"  
"Maybe if you would have just said that, I would change it!" she said staring at him  
"So will you change it?"  
"No." she smirked  
He whined and was going to protest but he yanked him by his collar down and to her level  
"Next time, don't lick me."  
He couldn't give up the fight so easy, so he switched tactics and smirked "Alright…I won't lick you there."  
She glared at him "No…you won't lick me at all."  
He slowly moved his hands to not catch her attention, he kept staring into her eyes, holding her attention.  
"There's places I think you'd enjoy me licking."  
She blushed furiously "PERV!"  
He laughed and his hand flashed like a snake, darting into her shirt and grabbing a bit more than the remote. Successfully seizing the remote he grinned and waved it in front of her bright red face.  
"Told you I'd get it." He said triumphantly  
She smacked him lightly "You are an asshole you know that?"  
He laughed "An asshole that will not be watching Four Weddings!" he said skipping over to the couch and changing the channel.  
Eliza rolled her eyes, walking over to the TV, blocking his view. He would have protested, but she was smart, and purposely gave him a nice view of her ass.  
But since he was distracted, she used the buttons on the TV to change the channel back.  
He had also kept a loose hold on the remote, so when she ran back, she seized it and got the batteries out of it, shoving those in her pants and throwing the remote back at him.  
He stared, his pride wounded, but secretly admiring her intelligence. He forgot the TV had the ability to change channels…  
"You know I'm not afraid of going after those either…" he said looking at her  
"Well, if you want them, you'll have to do a hell of a lot of licking." She smirked at him, her eyes dark but an overall amused look on her face. She could tease him, she had the right, he did grope her after all.  
He dropped the remote and stared with wide eyes.  
Licking…he would have to remember that… it was the best idea he had in a long time.

**Thoughts? **


	13. Chapter 13

**M: Mud**

It had recently rained outside, the grass and pavement was still wet. The day was a nice one, despite being downcast. Gil and Eliza were outside, walking together, as both loved the outdoors.

They didn't speak much, but walked hand in hand, their fingers intertwined. They had journeyed off to the park and walked along the tree and grass lined path. Small children played in the rain puddles, dogs romped in the mud, and the birds feasted on worms.

The wet did not keep many people inside.

Gil's food splashed in a puddle and bot both him and Liz wet.

"Gil you're not five, please _try_ to not soak us." Eliza said looking up at him.

He smirked lightly "Aright, I'll try to soak us." He said, picking the words from the sentence he wanted to hear.

Before she could really protest that, he jumped into the largest puddle and thoroughly soaked them both.

"GIL!" Eliza yelled, shoving him

He laughed and tripped backwards, landing in some mud. He looked like an idiot, sprawled on the wet ground, mud splattered on his pale skin, but he simply laughed.

Liz huffed as she wrung out her hair "Serves you right."

His hands were submerged in the mud, and he saw two kids slinging mud at each other. His inner five-year old loved the idea, and smirking widely, he hurled a blob of mud at his unsuspecting girlfriend.

He shrieked in surprise as the mud hit her in the chest and Gil broke into an obnoxious laughter.

Pissed at him Eliza yelled "GOD! YOU ARE WORSE THAN A FIVE YEAR OLD!"

He was crying with how hard he was laughing and almost rolling in the mud. Her expression of shock, horror and surprise was priceless.

She was not one to let him win at anything, even a stupid thing like this. She bent down, grabbed mud that had some grass attached to it, walked to Gil, and shoved it on his face.

He jerked away, splashing her with mud, but the mud and grass stuck to his face and made it look like the grass grew from his face.

"Gil, you missed a spot shaving." She smirked, plucking the grass from his face.

He smirked, grabbed her hand and jerked her hard, throwing her off balance, and making her join the mud with him. Then he smeared her face with mud. "Ha, you missed a spot washing your face."

She huffed and pushed him, which did very little besides make him laugh more and toss more mud at her.

"Gil I am so going to kill you." She growled, pouncing on him

He looked up at her, childishly grinning. His eyes were bright and full of life, he was happy, acting like a total idiot.

Eliza was smiling too, and finally she laughed with him, enjoying their brief stupid romping.

People passed by, thinking they were crazy, jesting and jeering, calling them immature and childish. Neither heard, and neither cared. They had each other, and they were having fun.

They were both now covered in mud from head to toe, and both a little chilled from the wetness.

"You're an idiot." Eliza mumbled, laying her head on his muddy chest.

"You had fun though!" he argued, smiling and looking up at the gray sky.

She didn't say anything, but she didn't object, and he knew that meant she did enjoy it.

But of course she wouldn't give him that satisfaction.

The sky grew darker and threatened to rain again, which had most people hurrying home, yet Gil and Eliza didn't. What would a little rain do besides wash them off anyway?

"I call the shower first!" Gil proclaimed when they rose and started for home

"_Hell no!" _Eliza yelled, thwacking him in the back of the head.

"You really should stop hitting me." He grumbled rubbing his head "I might call the cops on you for domestic abuse." He teased

"Then I hope you'll enjoy jail with the other men in their for sexual harassment." She countered

"It's not sexual harassment! It's flirting!" he argued

She glared at him "You are almost as bad as Francis, no, groping is _not_ flirting!"

He huffed and mumbled "Is too."

They again lapsed into silence, yet it was not awkward. They were perfectly happy together in silence.

The two made quite a sight along the road, both adults, covered in mud like kids.

Gil smiled to himself, how lucky was he?

Eliza looked at the ground, mud and hair hiding her face, and her grin. What a guy she had, never a dull moment.

Gil unlocked the front door and they both had the same thought:

First person to the shower is clearly the luckiest.

Well, first person to get to the shower and lock it, Eliza thought. Gil had a tendency to not care if she was showering, personal space, was not in his vocabulary.

Shoving him into the stair case she bolted up the stairs.

She grinned to herself, her life almost never had a dull moment.

** It's short, I know, sorry I'm busy. N will be longer (and probabaly better) **

**well thoughts? **


	14. Chapter 14

**N:Nail**

Now Gil wasn't the kind of man that cried about everything. In fact, he didn't cry much at all. He thought it was weak to do something like that, which is why Ludwig was about as emotional as a tree.

Eliza liked that he was strong. No one wanted a crybaby as their boyfriend, but sometimes it was nice to see he was capable of crying…She knew he did cry, but she had yet to see it.

But she also wasn't so sure is she wanted to see such a sight, she imagined it be pretty heartbreaking.

Right now, she was busy downstairs cooking them dinner. She cooked usually, mainly because Gil was pretty hopeless in the kitchen.

Speaking of Gil, he was upstairs in their attic, attempting to find the raccoons that decided to move in.

He was in the sweltering attic, swearing very colorfully about the heat and the free-loading raccoons. He had then wisely chosen to ditch his shirt and shoes, crawling around in shorts and knee pads.

Thinking he saw something, he jumped to his feet and ran across the floor.

Downstairs, an ear splitting scream reached Eliza's ears. Immediately thinking of terrible things, like a rabid raccoon attacking Gil's face, or him falling through the floor boards she dropped everything and flew upstairs.

Gil was not on the ground with a crazy raccoon eating his face, so she relaxed the slightest bit. She ran up the ladder and looked around the attic for Gil.

He was sitting on the floor, holding his foot, bellowing in German, what she assumed were some lovely curses, and crying.

She blinked and stared and he suddenly yelled "AREN'T YOU GOING TO HELP ME?!"

He slowly walked over to him and looked down.

"What's the matter exactly?" she asked

"THERE'S AN EVIL FORCE RESIDING IN OUR ATTIC!"

She winced at his yelling, and hit him on the head "Stop yelling dammit!"

He grumbled angrily as she helped him up. He kept his left foot off the ground as they made it to the ladder, and she helped him down, then followed.

"So what's your problem now?"

He didn't answer and just limped to the bathroom and sat on the counter. She came in and grabbed his foot.

She stared at the one inch narrow nail in his foot then glared at him "Why in the world would you decide to go in the attic without shoes!"

He huffed "It's hot! Why the hell would little bandits free-load in our attic?!"

Sometimes she really couldn't believe how stupid he was. Sighing, she got the medical supplies from the cabinet and looked at his foot.

She reached to touch it and he jerked his foot away "Don't you dare!"

Yup, a headache was not inevitable. "Gilbert let me see your foot."

"No!" he growled, similar to the tone of a young child.

Her eyes narrowed and she seized his foot and held it in a death grip. "Hold still fool." She muttered

"Don't hurt me." He whined, crossing his arms over his chest.

Her eye twitched. Like she would purposely hurt him! …Oh yeah…she totally would.

He moved her hand slowly and was about to grab the nail before Gil yelped "That hurts!"

"I haven't even touched it yet!" she yelled at him

He looked away, clearly not very happy with her. She grabbed the nail with her fingers and pulled on it.

And Gil screamed like a little girl, tears streaked down his face.

Now that she was seeing him cry, she found it was not very sad really. It was pretty hysterical actually. Of all the things he could cry about, he chose to bawl like a baby over a_nail_. She knew he had much worse injuries before, that he didn't even blink at.

"Are you laughing at me?!" he asked angrily

"Yes." She answered laughing at him. As he was busy sulking, she tore the nail from his foot and he screamed once more.

"Stop being a baby." She muttered holding up the nail for him to see.

"Easy for you to say! You didn't have an evil force drive a nail into your foot!"

"Evil force? Gil, gravity isn't evil…"

Perhaps he hit his head too, because he would simply not accept this. "Evil forces live in attics. Have you ever seen a horror movie?" he demanded

"Gil, there is no horror movie to my knowledge named 'When Nails Attack."

She started to clean the wound and he hissed quietly. "Well they should make that movie. I'd see it."

"Then I'd hit you for wasting time and money." She answered shortly wrapping his foot up.

He decided to save what little pride he had left and wipe the tears from his face. But Eliza was not so nice. She was going to taunt him about this for a long time, starting right now.

"So, the macho man Gilbert Bielschdmit cries when a nail is in his foot?"

He glared at her "How about you go tangle in hell with little bandits and be attacked by evil forces."

Her eye twitched. "First off, the attic is a _little_ too high to be hell. Second, they are called raccoons. They do not sell 'little bandit traps' at Ace Hardware. And for the last time, THERE ARE NO EVIL FORCES IN OUR ATTIC!"

He scoffed. "Nails are evil. I was attacked by a nail. Therefore evil forces have attacked me."

"No… you stepped on a nail because gravity exists and you were an idiot and wore no shoes."

He shook his head and Eliza sighed and just gave up. He was hopeless sometimes.

He grinned as he saw her 'I'm done with this' face. "Aww, did Lizzy give up on this argument?"

He slid off the counter and stood in front of her, wrapping his arms around her. "I win. It is official, our attic is evil."

She didn't argue with him and just hugged the idiot back. "Whatever makes you happy."

He smiled down at her, his face back t normal, no trace of him crying. He was capable of something else too: being really sweet.

"Well, you make me happy…" he smiled and kissed her softly "So I guess you're right."

She smiled and kissed him back. Yeah, damn straight she was right.

** Well did anyone enjoy that? Im really feeling like I've killed the funny.**

**O should be very fun... **

**Well any thoughts?**


	15. Chapter 15

**Sorry, it's end if the year, got finals, so yeah, longer updates.**

**And for the summer ... either more updates or less , depends if I'm motivated!**

**Anyway, enjoy**

**O: Opinion**

Everyone has and is entitled to their own opinion, unless of course you are a married man or dating Eliza.

Gil was stuck on the couch watching Project Runway with Eliza. Seriously, stuck there. Since their last little encounter with channels, she trusted him very little when the TV was within ten feet. He had been laying on the couch, so she simply sat on him and changed the channel.

And he knew better than to argue.

Bored out of his mind, he looked at one of the models and remarked "_Damn._"

** "**Damn, what Gil?"

"That bitch is H-O-T!" he exclaimed, grinning

She huffed and smacked him on the head "GILBERT!"

He yelped and rubbed his head "Hey!"

"Why the hell would you say another woman is hot in front of your girlfriend!?" Eliza screamed

Gil with much difficult flipped onto his back and looked up at her, quite confused "Because it's my opinion…?"

"You can't have that opinion of another girl!"

He blinked "Yes I can."

The two got into a staring match. Furious green eyes met confused and challenging red ones.

She finally looked away and changed the channel. What she turned to was not the TV, Gil saw. No, she had turned on the DVD player.

Which had Magic Mike in.

"Since when did you have this movie?!" he demanded somewhat angry

"Months. I _love_ this movie."

His mouth dropped open as he stared at her, speechless. She calmly watched the movie, even turning up the volume when the actual stripping part came on.

"All of these guys are so built…tan…strong…sexy…" Eliza said softly, purposely teasing the thin and pale albino.

"I AM SEXY!" He yelled angrily, his ego a bit hurt

"Not like Channing Tatum." She answered shortly

"I AM RIGHT HERE YOU KNOW!"

She paused and smirked down at him "Calm down Gil, it's just my opinion."

"Y-You… c-cant… NO!" he struggled for words, knowing deep down he probably wasn't a hot as some famous Hollywood actor.

After all, he was a pale freak. He never truly got used to those stares he got walking down the street. He ignored them, but ignoring and getting used to are very different things.

Eliza saw some emotions flicker across her boyfriend's face and frowned softly. She really didn't like him saying that runway model was hot. Did that mean he didn't think she was?

After all, she was a big tomboy, not exactly runway model material.

Gil wiggled out from under her and looked at her. She looked back, and they both sat in silence.

They didn't need to talk, to understand the other. How odd, for the cocky albino, to doubt himself. How odd, for the lovely Hungarian, to think down.

Gil was the one to break the silence. But he didn't do it like a normal man would, doing something simple like 'so what is so good about him'?

No. That was not the awesome way. He ran through a huge list of actors and popular people, asking her opinion of them.

"Freddy Kruger?" he asked, smiling

Eliza loved the way he dealt with this, and the random people he picked. "Yes, I totally love is burnt and peeling face."

Gil grinned "Don't forget that sexy hat and stripped sweater!"

He went on with people such as: Dracula, Headless Horseman, Arnold Schwarzenegger, the young and old version.

"I already know you apparently like Channing Tatum."

She rolled her eyes and decided to start asking him.

"The chick from the Exorcist?"

He smiled "Yes, I mean, why wouldn't I want a demon girl who can turn her head all the way around?"

The two laughed, and he shifted closer. "Now the most important question."

She looked at him with her eyebrow raised

"What's your opinion of a Mr. Gilbert Bielschdmit?" he asked smirking

She smirked back "Well, he's a pale little egotistical moron. He drinks and parties too much, his friends are idiots. He's a hopeless flirt and very obnoxious." She paused here, and looked at his face, which was a little hurt.

"But, he is also interesting. He's odd and peculiar but cute and funny. He may flirt too much, but at least I know at the end of the day…those girls don't really matter. He may not be Channing Tatum…but I love his sexy pale ass anyway."

He smiled softly, looking down, pale cheeks a little red. They teased and harassed each other much more than talk about feelings…especially their own.

"So what's your opinion of a simple girl named Eliza?"

He leaned back and thought "Well she likes hitting guys a little too much, I'm starting to think she had a fetish with it. She yells a lot, sometimes overreacts a lot. Little creepy with her guy on guy obsession…but she is nice, loving and caring. Makes fun of poor men, but makes their knees shake. She might not be a model, but she is damn hot, and I'd rather have her than some blonde bimbo who walks a stage and wears clothes for a living."

He leaned closer and hugged her. "That, is my opinion of you."

She grabbed him by the collar and kissed him. "Apparently I think more of you then."

He rolled his eyes "Or you just imagined me as a Mr. Tatum."

She lightly shoved him and rolled her eyes. What trouble a simple opinion can cause.

**Thoughts? Too much fluff maybe?**


	16. Chapter 16

**P: Protective**

Eliza sighed, watching the mall security officers lecture Gilbert about assaulting other men. Some young punk had tried flirting with her, coming on rather hard.

She smiled faintly. It was actually pretty amusing. She barely got one word in before Gilbert knocked the man back about ten feet with one good punch. Her boyfriend was a pretty protective guy…he always was.

Back on grade school, she remembered him picking on the quiet boy, Toris. He'd throw pens and paper at him, chase him with rulers, kick the chair out from under him, and whenever he got in trouble he said the same exact thing: 'I'm making sure he stays away from me, because then he'll stay away from Lizzy.'

Vaguely she remembered hating the albino's guts. She just saw him as a dumb bully. All through grade school actually. He picked on her sometimes too, stealing her pencils, pulling her hair, tripping her.

Then in middle school, she was dismayed to see the dumb brute had managed to get into almost all of her classes.

Smiling wider, she remembered spending a lot of time in the principal's office, explaining why Gil had beat up another boy.

Eighth grade stuck out the most in her mind, she had met a really nice boy from Romania named Vladimir, he was out casted, quiet, but very nice. Most kids thought he was a vampire, including Gil, which she found odd since he was pale too.

Gil had gotten into a big fist fight with Vladimir over Eliza, even though she still hated his guts. Well, she _said_ she hated his guts. They had a very complex and awkward friendship at this stage.

Though seeing Gilbert pound the crap out of the smaller boy, she got pissed, went off on Gil, and even started him.

Sadly she found out Gil was right about him. He wasn't that nice, he would hurt her, on accident or purpose, she didn't really know. He liked some pretty dark things too.

So when the broke up, Gil was there, and for the next five months, another male didn't dare come close. He was protecting her.

At the time, Eliza just thought he was being a good friend. But truly, he did it because he really liked her, and always had.

High school was worse. She saw Gil less, and had a lot of classes with this boy named Roderich.

And Roderich…he was perfect. Good grades, respectful, charming, proper and handsome. Not at all like her brutish, loud, C average rude best friend.

She sighed softly remembering. She dated Roderich for two full years, a lot of people thought they'd get married after school. She was happy…she liked, maybe even loved him.

Gil didn't. Gil hated him. He was hurt too, felt replaced. He barely saw Eliza for those two years, she brushed him off, avoided him.

He didn't know why. Hadn't he don't everything right, been the good friend, always there?

She did. Roderich was perfect. Gil was not. But to her…perfect got a little boring. After two years, it got a lot boring. Seeing Gil would have made her leave Roderich in seconds.

And she knew just where she'd run. To her pale, protective best friends arms.

In the end, Eliza and Roderich fought, and she did leave him.

And though he felt betrayed, Gil was right there, as he always was, waiting. He didn't say I told you so. He didn't bitch about it, not until months after, not until he knew she could take the teasing, and wasn't heart broken.

They dated. He didn't change, nothing would change him. But she knew deep down there was always that fear of being replaced by someone better. It wasn't that hard to find someone better.

Eliza never knew why he was so protective. She had long since decided it was because he loved her. But now looking back, she decided it was probably his fear of being replaced mixed into his love.

She smiled and left her thoughts as he walked over, looking at the ground.

She smirked lightly "Did you learn your lesson?"

He looked up grinning "Don't break bones, then they can't arrest you."

She sighed "That was not what you were supposed to learn…"

He took her hand and started walking "Don't tell me what I can and cannot learn!"

Mentally she sighed. This would not be the last time he went into a protective frenzy. But maybe it wasn't so bad. At least she knew he cared and still wanted to be there with her.

Maybe he was still a stupid pale brute.

But he was a very protective and loving, stupid pale brute.

**Any Thoughts? **


	17. Chapter 17

**Q: Quiz**

Very bored, Eliza started to play on her computer. Gil was gone doing god knows what after they had an argument that morning.

She didn't care how many times they fought, she would win the argument over pancakes.

It didn't matter if Gil was friends with Matthew. She didn't care how good the Canadians pancakes were.

One does not simply put the water in before the mix.

Gil enjoyed filling the bowl with water then adding the pancake mix, and stirring.

She resisted the urge to choke him every time he did that. The mix just has to go in before the water! Otherwise the mix floats and the devil spawn of that batter mix is simply inedible.

Of all the things they could argue about…it was that. And they both had very strong feelings about the mix and water order.

So it ended with them each making their own pancakes, and sneering at the other. After their awkward and silent breakfast Gil had left without a word.

Pancakes were serious shit in that house.

Nothing decent was on TV and it was raining out, so she sat on the couch, checking emails, watching videos, and doing those stupid random quizzes on various sites.

So far none had been very amusing, until she found a relationship quiz.

Nearly positive her and Gil's relationship would show up as perfect, she started the quiz for fun.

1: Is your boyfriend a gentleman?

Yes No

Well Gil was… Gil was Gil… He grabbed other girl's asses. Verbally declared how hot they were, and often said he'd like to bang them, especially if he was with Francis and Antonio. Not to mention she couldn't think of the last time he opened a door for her.

Well, that answer was an easy no.

2: Does your boyfriend support you and your morals/ideas?

Yes No

Well… What really were her morals anyway? Ideas? ….No…the damn pancakes! No support!

There was another no.

3: Is there equality and respect in your relationship?

Yes No

The frying pan ensured there was some respect. Her temper made sure there was equality. Not exactly perfect but there was respect.

Finally, a yes!

4: Is there respect of personal space?

Yes No

She sighed softly. Several words did not exist in Gil's vocabulary. Such as the words: speed limit, enough beer, no, and personal space.

Add another no to the answer sheet.

5: Is there any violence?

Yes No

Well… there was blood. But did that count as violence? She only hit him maybe four times minimum a day. She shook her head and marked yes.

6: Is your boyfriend romantic?

Yes No

Gilbert…romantic…those words would never be in the same sentence unless a 'not' was accompanying it. Gil was not the buy flowers and chocolates type. He forgot about dates, he wasn't a very good cook, so now candlelight dinners.

Well there's another no.

7: Does your man do everything he can to please you? (Does he take you for granted?)

Yes No

She sighed. This was not going very well. He didn't really take her for granted… he just never let her win an argument without fighting. He never opened doors. He didn't do anything special…he sometimes tried to please her. Angrily she clicked on no.

8: Does your boyfriend show interest in commitment?

Yes No

Ha that was funny. Commitment. He had the attention span of an ADHD squirrel. Unless it was a soccer game, war, or drinking, he'd get bored. And when he got bored he would walk away. What…if he got bored of her?

She hit no and moved on rather fast.

9: Is your man independent? (Own a house, job, etc.)

Yes No

No job but he did sometimes do stuff for his brother… that counted right? He didn't own the house…Ludwig had vacated it when Eliza moved in, not able to stand the two. Maybe that counted? She just marked yes.

10: Does your boyfriend start fights, ever been jailed?

Yes No

When didn't Gilbert start fights? How many times had she gotten him from the jail? The entire station knew her and him by name!

Yes.

She went to her result page and was very disappointed.

_You and your man seem to have a poor relationship that lacks love and respect. Chances are you two will never make it. Pack your bags and run girl._

She stared at the screen. Did a computer just tell her Gilbert and her were doomed?

The door opened and Gil walked in and saw her. "Hallo."

She moved her computer and sat there quietly and he frowned and walked over.

"Is something wrong?"

"No…" she said quietly

He sat down next to her and looked at with intent eyes. "Don't lie to me."

She didn't know why this stupid online test bothered her so much. Maybe it just was the fact she never asked those questions to herself and evaluate Gil.

She handed him the computer and he looked at the screen.

"So… this is bothering you?" he asked

Eliza nodded.

He burst out laughing "Oh come on! You're going to let a stupid online test say if we're good together?"

She bit her lip and softly said "You…aren't a gentleman. You don't open doors…you don't respect my ideas. You don't respect personal space and we're only equal because I hit you! There's violence between us, you take me for granted you're not romantic. You aren't independent, you don't commit, and you get in fights and get arrested!"

He was quiet for a moment and slowly began to say.

"I am not Roderich. I'm not the sweet romantic gentleman that doesn't get in fights. I'm me. I have always been. I fight. I drink. I flirt. I get arrested. That's how I am…that's how I stay. I challenge you…I don't just give in. That's why we fight. That's what makes us equal. We fight, someone wins. I don't always win, neither do you. I don't take you for granted…You attack me with a cast iron frying pan, but even drunk…have I ever hit you? I don't commit? I raised my little brother…that was a commitment. I've dated you for almost two years…never cheated once. That's…that's pretty committed. I'm independent. I run this house don't I? I'm not on anyone's leash…yeah, I'm not perfect. But…you know that."

She sighed. Well everything he said was true. What does the damn computer know anyway?

He was sitting there silently waiting for her to react. Eliza shifted and hugged him tightly, burying her face in his chest, relaxing when his arms wrapped around her.

"Are…you all good now?" he asked in a few minutes

She smiled slightly though he couldn't see it.

"Well you failed that quiz…but you pass mine."

He grinned "As long as pancakes aren't in the quiz, you get a 100% on mine."

Rolling her eyes she stayed hugging him, happy in content in her man's arms.

**That pancake thing is serious. THE MIX GOES BEFORE THE WATER. It is an unwritten commandment of pancake making.**

**Well, there's Q.**

**Thoughts on it? **


	18. Chapter 18

**M-RATED CHAPTER READ AT OWN WILL**

**R: Ring**

Gil was in a jewelry store looking very out of place. He was looking for a ring for his girlfriend, nothing spectacular just…something since it was their anniversary.

Which he had forgotten about…so thank god for Google calendars and their reminders.

He finally found one he liked, a simple white gold band with an emerald, dark like her eyes.

Once he paid for it, he left for home, driving down the road.

Inside, he looked around, expecting Eliza to be home. Though he was disappointed to find he was alone.

He sighed and sat down on the couch, with plans to wait for her.

Seemingly from nowhere arms wrapped around his neck from behind and she rested her chin on his head. "I was waiting for you…" she mumbled, in a soft voice.

He shivered lightly at her tone "I thought you weren't home…"

Her hand slid down his chest and ran over his thin black shirt. "You went out, what did you get?"

He couldn't see her face but could tell she wanted an answer and nothing short of one.

"I got you a ring." He said, taking the box from his pocket and giving it to her. She walked around the couch and sat on his lap then opened it.

He was a bit nervous, hoping he picked out a good one. The look in her eyes showed he did, in fact she looked awful surprised.

"You like it right?"

She smiled brightly and nodded "Who knew you had such a good taste in jewelry?"

He smirked "I have many talents."

She smirked back a bit evil and leaned down closer to his face, now straddling him "You know…I got you a ring too."

He looked at her a bit confused "Why? I don't wear rings…" he spoke

She drew it out of her pocket and he blushed darkly.

"I think you will wear this ring…" she said in a seductive tone

He stuttered and tried to speak. Sure he was a little like his brother, a little kinky. But he didn't expect a _cock ring_ for his present.

"There's two parts to your present though…" she whispered in his ear, then nipping slightly

"What?" he asked, hands roaming over her back.

"Me."

Her answer sent a shiver running through him. Before he could react, she was walking up the stairs, hips swaying.

He got up and ran after her. Eliza was standing in the doorway, waiting for him. When he got close she grabbed him by the collar and kissed him passionately.

He kissed back eagerly, pushing against her, and moving closer to their bed. Before he could push her down, she turned making him the one closer to the bed and shoved him roughly.

Gil pouted as his back hit the mattress. Bottoming was not awesome.

Before he could protest out loud, Eliza was laying on his, ravaging his mouth, running her hands through his silver hair.

He worked easily, pulling off her shirt then undoing her bra.

Her hands moved from his hair and run down his chest and undo the buttons of his shirt. His hands roamed down her back to her pants, starting to pulls them down. In turn she nipped his neck, over his sweet spot. He groaned softly, grinding up against her hips.

She slide her hand down into his pants, and he hissed when the cold metal touched his skin.

"Are you seriously putting that on?" he growled

She smirked "Yes." And with that, it was on.

He looked up at her, hair in his eyes and smirked, flipping them and pinning her down.

"Then I get this…"

Then he began to kiss along her neck and collar bone, snipping and sucking while his hands groped her breasts.

He moved his hips hard into her, bulge growing until his pants became irritating. Eliza smirked and pulled his pants down, but left his boxers on and palmed his throbbing member through them.

He groaned in pleasure and irritation, grinding into her hand now, already irritated with the ring.

He pulled away her panties, smirking at seeing her wet. She blushed lightly and nipped his neck, pulling away his boxers.

Impatient as always, he moved her legs and shifted his position a little, then pushing into her.

They both moaned, her at the intrusion, him at the tightness. He picked up speed and thrusted hard and fast.

She grabbed him by his hair and crashed their lips together in a smoldering kiss.

His hands slid down her body and raising her hips up slightly, plowed into, getting deep, all the way up to the irritating little metal ring.

He shifted the slightest bit, and moved again, and she screamed his name and panted "T-There!"

He smirked and thrusted faster at that angle, pleasure flooding through both of them. Moans and pants filled the room, and he felt heat coiling in his stomach, near his finish.

Unfortunately, her little present to him was not allowing him to finish.

"C-Can I take this piece of shit off?" he groaned, thrusting

She smirked "Nope."

He groaned, pleasure and friction becoming rather intense, he pounded faster, hoping she would free him soon, his moans got louder and a little more strangled as he swelled up more.

She cried out and climaxed, nodding to him. He couldn't have hit the release trigger on that damn thing fast enough, and once it hit the bed he released, ridding out both their orgasms, before slumping over and falling next to her.

After a few moments of panting and relaxing, he spoke.

"Happy anniversary Liz…"

She smiled, curling into his side. "Yes, happy anniversary to you to Gil."

He smirked, finger playing with a lock of her hair. "Just saying…I like my ring a hell lot better…"

She laughed softly, her head on his chest "Its ok, you don't have to wear mine all the time."

He chuckled softly, holding her in his arms and dozing off, smiling softly.

She fell asleep shortly after him, smiling. He did pick out a nice ring for her, but the one she got him was a lot more fun.

** First Time writting smut so hope it wasnt terrible.**

**other than that, thoughts?**

**And in regards in the pancake issue in the previous chapter I had a friend who decided to put the water in first.. that was how they made pancakes.. it was terrible.. I cannot voice how terrible it was to watch that monstrosity unfold. But hey, it gave me that little inspiration. **


	19. Chapter 19

**S: Safe**

It was late at night, around midnight and Gil was hungry. He had ventured into the kitchen in hope of finding something easy to make.

Opening the fridge door, he found pizza wrapped in tin foil. Happy with that he threw it in the microwave for about five minutes and left to get a beer from the garage.

He had apparently failed to learn anything from his last cooking experience.

It being late, he was tired and slow, so it took a moment for him to get his beer and walk back into the kitchen.

Expecting to smell something nice, like his cooking pizza, he was very displeased to find it reeked.

Rounding the corner into the kitchen he froze. Smoke was issuing from the microwave, the smoke alarm was clearly not working because it hadn't gone off.

Before he could do anything else, the microwave exploded into flames.

He yelped and looked around. On the counter was a clear bottle of what he thought was water. He opened the top and threw it on the fire.

It was a bit too late for him to realize it was Everclear. Because by the time he did the fire had now hissed and grown a lot more.

He bolted from the kitchen and towards the stairs. He tripped, and started running up on all fours, reaching the top flew towards his and Eliza's bedroom.

He thought the door was still open a crack, and ran full speed into it.

He swore and screamed, falling backwards, his face, chest and hands now hurting. The door was shut, and man those doors were solid.

A half asleep Eliza threw the door open and looked at him. It didn't take her long to smell the smoke or see the growing light. She swore, leaned over to help him up and wordlessly they both ran down the stairs and out the front door.

By now the flame were pretty evident, in the windows on the side and back of the house, one of the neighbors had already woken and called the fire department, dogs were howling and barking, the wind was blowing, and far off sirens were wailing.

Gil was quiet, staring at the house he called home go up in flames.

And it was his fault.

Eliza was holding his arm and looking between him and the house, quiet.

The fire department came, starting to douse the flames, one man came over and spoke.

"Are you two alright?"

Gil could only manage a slight nod. He was a menace, dangerous…he just set a house on fire.

_His_ house…with another person in it.

He sighed and sat down in the grass. Eliza looked down at him before sitting next to him, leaning her head against his shoulder. She could tell something was wrong.

Gil looked at the grass. What if he had just sucked it up and waited to eat until morning? Or not gone to get a beer…or not have put alcohol on the flames.

Or figured out tin foil doesn't get microwaved.

Eliza finally broke the silence "What's the matter…?"

He didn't talk and shifted away.

She wasn't about to take that shit from him and growled "Gilbert."

He looked away "Do you feel safe with me…"

She looked at him, rather confused as to where what come from.

He repeated himself "Do you feel safe with me!"

"Yes…?" she answered, going closer.

He looked at her unconvinced. She sighed, and moved closer until she was in his lap. Leaning her head against his shoulder she said "I always feel safe with you. No matter what."

He thought about it for a moment, slowly wrapping arms around her. "Always?"

"Yes. When you decided to go 110mph down the Autobahn, when you decided to pick fights with guys twice your size, when you start the car in the garage with the door closed and leave it like that. Even when you cook, and I'm so positive someone's losing a finger…"

He kissed her softly, relaxing a little. He might do really stupid things but at least she never was afraid of him…

The fire department left. The house was still standing and most everything besides the kitchen and dining room were fine, besides for slight damage with smoke and water.

"I think we need a new kitchen…" he mumbled

She smirked "Well I did want a new stove."

He put her off his lap and stood, helping her up and starting for Ludwig's house. He had to stay somewhere while that got fixed.

And it was a brand new kitchen he could mess up!

Eliza smiled and held his hand as they walked. Honestly, she wasn't surprised the kitchen was burned. It was really only a matter of time with Gil. But she didn't lie, he was reckless, but he did try to keep her safe. She trusted him, sometimes she didn't know why, but she did.

Only 7 more to go!

Please review~


	20. Chapter 20

**T: Tame**

The words, 'Gilbert Bielschdmit' and 'tame' don't usually fit into the same sentence.

Gil was anything but tame. His hair wasn't tame, his clothes were never in any sort of neat order, he was wild and loud, free and unbroken.

Basically, he was the average man.

The only thing that set him apart was most of the normal men, is their wild streak died out when they got serious with a girl.

Gil, simply raised even more hell.

Neither his friends had a serious relationship. Francis chased anything that breathed and Antonio easily got whoever he really wanted. They partied hard, had a good time, and Gil was no different, even if he had Eliza at home.

That didn't mean she didn't try to tame him. Or at least try to vainly control him.

She had tried a lot of things really. Yelling, not caring, ignoring, beating up.

Well today she was really going to gain some control over her wild boyfriend.

Gil was unsuspecting, walking through the front door casually. Before he knew what was happening, his feet were knocked from under him and he was lying face down on the carpet.

Eliza looked down at him, arms crossed over her chest.

He blinked at tried sitting up, and she stepped on his back "No."

This was the last time he walked through the front door when she was home…

"Can…I get up now?" he asked, trying to look up from the floor.

"Not until you are fully tamed."

"….Tamed?" he asked, confused.

He didn't get an answer, the door closed and a weight was put on his back. She was sitting on him.

It took him a moment to accept and comprehend his girlfriend, who was in her twenties, was so very casually just sitting on him.

"Uh…Lizzy…I'm not a chair…"

"I say you are, and therefore you are." Was the short reply

He struggled a little and got on his hands and knees, going to stand.

"If you stand up your face will be acquainted with the pan."

He gulped. The cast iron frying pan of doom was a big threat. So he stayed down on his hands and knees, being her chair. It was a good thing he was strong too, or else he'd be laying on the floor again.

"Crawl." She demanded

He tilted his head to look at her "Excuse me?"

"CRAWL!" she yelled

He sighed, and crawled along the floor, blushing in humiliation. He had no clue what this was all about but he knew he didn't like it.

She dictated directions to him, and he fought each step of the way. Until finally his hand and knees were red, he was tired and weary, and when she gave him one last direction, he followed without a word.

That's when he laughed and jumped off his back, declaring victory. With a groan he flopped onto his back and looked at the ceiling.

"What was that about?" he yelled

She smirked "I already said, taming you."

"So you sit on me?!"

"Look! You're on your back, sign of submission." She smirked

His eye twitched "I'm blocking animal planet on the TV…"

She laughed and helped him up, smiling "I just needed to get some control over you, get you to listen without complaining. And it only took about an hour!"

He sighed and rolled his eyes. "Lovely…"

She smiled and kissed him lightly, walking away, quite pleased with herself.

He got over his shock and walked to go get a beer, because he really needed one now. Was he tame?

No.

Would he act like it near her?

Damn good chance of it.

** Bit of a shorter one but hope it still was good.**

**U is next and that should be longer (and probably better)**

**But thoughts on this one ? **


	21. Chapter 21

**U: Underwear**

It was Eliza's birthday, and for once, Gil remembered. He planned a huge surprise party, got food, even decorated.

Looking back at it, she really wished he just had forgotten.

It was a bad day at work, she was tired, and really just wanted a relaxing night with some booze.

She did not want to drive home and see her underwear strung out on a clothes line like Christmas lights.

Parking her car, she sat behind the wheel for a good few minutes, thinking and trying to calm down. If she went inside to early, she would most likely end up beating Gil into a bloody pulp.

Taking a deep breath she waited a moment longer before getting out of the car and walking inside.

Upon throwing open the door and trying to find the light switch, multiple people jumped out screaming "SURPRISE!"

She shrieked in surprise and stumbled backwards a bit. Ludwig, Roderich, Vash and Lilly were in the room, and knowing them, Gil most likely threated or blackmailed them.

Well, Lilly was nice, she might have just done it happily, but her brother and Roderich were glaring viciously at the other, and Ludwig was sulking a bit, muttering under his breath about having work to do.

But she had to give it to her stupid boyfriend. He remembered and organized something nice for her.

But oh was she going to kill him when their guests left.

He walked over and hugged her, smiling happily, kissing her cheek and saying "Happy Birthday!"

She smiled like no evil plan was forming in her mind and thanked him.

He made everyone sit down and they had a nice dinner, Vash only tried shooting Roderich twice, and Gil only ruined a little bit of Lilly's innocence. Ludwig glared at his brother through most of the meal and said next to nothing.

The later it got the drunker they got, because the Germanics simply do not get together and not drink. Gil brought a cake out, that Ludwig had made, and started poking candles in it.

She sat and smiled, sipping wine as he lit them on fire. The drunken people around her started singing, and Gil took a picture.

She blew the candles out and cut up the cake, Ludwig watching, making sure everyone was perfectly even.

They ate, gave her cards, and left. Now alone with Gil, she looked at him.

"So you were busy today huh?"

He nodded proudly "Yes! Did you like it?"

She smiled deviously "Yes, I did. Besides for one part."

He frowned "What?"

She smiled creepily and yelled "MY FUCKING UNDERWEAR AS DECORATION OUTSIDE!"

He smiled weakly "I needed to have some sort of decoration outside… and they were different colors!"

Her eye twitched and he tried to slowly back up. He grabbed him by the shirt collar and pinned him to the wall "Oh not so fast there."

He smiled brightly "You can have pay back on my birthday!"

"No. I can have it right now."

He did not like that look. Not one bit.

"Uh…no?" he asked squirming

"You will go take that down, right now."

He laughed uneasily and bolted away, coming back with the clothes line of underwear. "Here…now I think I'll go…far far away!"

She held onto his arm "No. You will go nowhere."

He cried on the inside and stood still. She threw the line on the couch and put herhand on his back

"I will find a way to get revenge on you, my dear."

"It was just a decoration!" he protested.

"You know what needs decoration?"

He looked a little scared "What?"

"Your face." She grabbed the back of his underwear and proceeded to give him a major wedgie, trying to stretch it enough to get it over his head.

He screamed like a girl and went running away, awkwardly moving. "THAT IS NOT NICE!"

"NEITHER IS PUTTING MY UNDERWEAR ON NIEGHBORHOOD DISPLAY!"

He whined "It made great decoration! Ludwig like it!"

"Your brother is a perv of course he liked it!"

He whined louder, fixing his situation and hiding behind a wall "I liked it. Insteadof Christmas lights that is totally what we're putting on the tree.'

"Gil, this is not a frat house, the tree will not have panties on it."

He squeaked "WE DO NOT USE THAT WORD!"

She looked at the wall he was behind confused "What word, panties?"

"YES THAT WORD. HUSH. WE DO NOT SAY IT, SAY UNDERWEAR!"

"Gil, if my underwear is anywhere it is not supposed to be, I will say panties until your ears bleed."

He held his ear "STOP SAYING IT! IT IS SUCH AN UNMANLY WEIRD WORD!"

She smirked and walked into the laundry room with his clothes line. That was be the last time he ever strung her things outside.

He scowled. What sick person created a word like panties? He cleaned up the rest of the mess from their party and ran upstairs before she caught sight of him again.

He would not be getting another wedgie. And he would not hear that despicable word.

**Seriously, hate the word 'panties'**

**thoughts?**


	22. Chapter 22

**V:Violin**

Since Eliza was out, Gil thought he would be alone in the house for a while. He crept upstairs and into the spare room, where he kept something.

He opened the closet and moved some boxes and blankets around, pulling out a small case. A violin case.

Again he checked to see he was alone, before carefully opening up his case. He took the glistening violin out and tucked it against his cheek. It was pretty clear this thing he kept hidden was well kept, better than his sword almost.

Smiling softy, he grabbed his bow and put his fingers on the strings, starting to play.

At first it was soft and slow, he was out a practice a bit. Then, his skills took over, his fingers moved more fluidly, his bow picked stings better, and he lost time in the music, playing whatever songs he knew from memory, or just playing random notes that sounded well together.

He didn't know it, but he was at this for almost an hour and a half.

In that time, Eliza had done her errands and came home. Walking into the house, she expected Gil to be sitting on the couch drinking, seeing him not there was surprise enough. But hearing the wonderful violin music was enough to make her stop and stare at the stairs.

Even she didn't know Gil played the violin.

Slowly creeping upstairs, she listened in shock. He sure was skilled, she couldn't think of why he wouldn't tell anyone about this.

He was sitting on the bed, grinning, totally oblivious to everything, playing hard and fast, a lively song.

Liz cracked the door open but he still didn't notice.

She walked in and sat next to him, and he abruptly stopped, jumping up and trying to box up the violin.

"D-Don't you knock?!"

She stared "Gil I heard you playing the violin…why would I knock? Would you have heard?"

"Does that matter?!" he yelled, slightly flustered

She frowned "Sit down."

He froze. She used that tough voice. That 'sit the fuck down before I make you' voice.

Gil sat down quickly and looked at the floor "What?"

"Why didn't you ever play this before?"

He laughed "I've played it a lot before! Just…when nobody's around."

"Why not share that talent?"

"It isn't talent." He growled bluntly

"Gil, I know you're pretty stupid, but how is that not talent?"

He sighed "Because…it's…girly. It's not a badass instrument like the drums. And I play all the shit I make fun of…when Roderich plays."

"It's not girly…you play well!"

"It's not manly! Ludwig would never let me live it down. Neither would Francis or Toni…"

"And you care about that…why?"

He scowled "Because! What kind of badass like me plays the damn violin! It's a hidden talent! I don't tell anyone…I play when I'm alone, I put it away before anyone comes home..."

She sighed "I liked hearing it."

A slight smile touched his lips "Yeah? I mean…I'm a bit out of practice and all…"

"It was still good." She said strongly, kissing his cheek

He blushed lightly, carefully putting it away.

"No song for me?'

He smirked "Nope. Not today."

She scowled at him as he walked and stuck it back in his hidden spot.

"Next time you'll knock on the door won't you?" he asked, grinning and walking away

She sighed. He was such a jerk sometimes. Though, a talented one it seemed.

**So that sucked.. sowwy.**

**But really a lot of people kinda don't know Gil has musical talent, with the violin. So I felt the need to write this plus.. V is a hard letter**

**Thoughts? **


	23. Chapter 23

**W: War**

It was September, September 1st, the day World War II started. Eliza had stayed home that day, but hadn't seen Gil at all.

The TV was running all sorts of war special programing, so it was off, leaving the house oddly silent.

Gil sat upstairs going through different boxes. He looked over paper clippings and letters.

Back then he didn't think about the war, what it would do. He knew it wasn't right, he knew it was doomed.

Those that try to live forever, surely die.

The Third Reich would never last a thousand years, but Ludwig wouldn't listen.

He sighed and laid back. What had the Allies been thinking? His friends…Francis and Arthur…Even Alfred knew the end of WWI was just intermission to the play of world domination.

What had Ludwig thought? He loved to follow the rules…He broke so many of them, in a short period of time.

No, he went around the rules…

What…what had he been thinking? He sat by and watched as Ludwig annexed Austria and Hungary? Sure he hated that prissy son of a bitch but still…

What had he thought when Ludwig invaded Rhineland? Yeah…he invaded his own country, but it broke the rules.

What had he thought when Arthur just gave into appeasement, let Ludwig take another country?

Wasn't that enough 'elbow room' and 'living space'?

What was he thinking? He didn't know.

He didn't think. He just went with his brother, his family.

Six years is a long time to not think.

Why? He went with his family on the wrong side of the war…why not his friends? His friends were older and more experienced. They knew right and wrong. Ludwig didn't…

Maybe he went with Ludwig because he raised him. He raised him and gave him his values. Was it a way of defending that? No one ever thought he raised Ludwig well...

He couldn't stand the looks he got. The Allies, his friends…they hated him. They couldn't understand why he wouldn't change sides.

After the war was so much worse…they wouldn't even save him.

They hated him…they let him be dissolved. That was one Nazi thing they must have agreed with. They didn't interfere.

He let put a howl and flipped a box over.

Eliza bolted up stairs and opened the door.

Gil sat there on the ground, steaming, raging. She sat beside him, quiet for a moment.

"What's the matter…?"

He sighed "Loyalty is a major flaw. It is a huge weakness. But…everyone wants to be loyal. They want this…curse of loyalty."

She was quiet and just hugged him.

"Why? What did I do wrong? Is it not family first? But… what about morals? I knew it was wrong…no matter what I did…I betrayed someone."

"You did what you thought was right…isn't that all you could be asked to do?"

He sighed "No. Everyone wants more than what you can give them."

"I don't. I just want what you give." She leaned up and kissed his cheek.

He sighed and stood, walking out of the door.

Six years is a long time to not think. Maybe he shouldn't have even started thinking. After all…what is 60 years of not thinking to a nation?

**So I wrote this because if you think of it, Gil fights both world wars with his brother, even though he is friends with the allies.**

**No matter what he does he will betray someone, friends or family.**

**Sucks to be him..**

**Thoughts?**


	24. Chapter 24

**X: X-Ray**

It's not really a big surprise that Gil would be a disaster at the doctors. But unfortunately for the staff, Eliza decided to trust him and bring him along. She was sick and just wanted him to drive back and forth.

"Gil, when I go back, I'm serious. _Sit in the chair!" _she growled. It had that deadly tone to it.

He brightly grinned and nodded "Of course. Right here. In the chair."

She got called to go back and within five minutes he got bored. The magazines were old and boring, the TV had the news on, and none of the receptionist were hot.

Not too far away he noticed a sign that said x-ray and got an idea. He stood up and slunk over to the door, glanced around, then walked in and checked for people. Then he ran back and took the chair he had sat in. Eliza did say to sit in the chair…that didn't mean right in that spot!

He looked around and ran to an unoccupied room, turning on the occupied sign.

The machine didn't look that hard to use and he figured it out.

He spent the next hour using the machine to x-ray different parts of his body, then print them and stick in an envelope. It was very amusing, he enjoyed it. It passed time for him at least. He slowly crept out and turned off the sign.

Outside Eliza was waiting angrily, arms crossed, sitting in her chair and glaring at where Gil's chair should have been.

He slunk back out and saw her. So he sat in the chair and scooted his way all the way over to where she was.

The few people still waiting were staring at him and the old receptionist looked like she was going to kill him.

Eliza stood and grabbed him by his ear and yanked.

He jumped to his feet whining "Let go!"

"No!" she hissed, dragging him outside and towards the car.

"This isn't very nice…." He muttered

"I TOLD YOU TO WAIT IN THE CHAIR!" she yelled

He had to admire that. Even sick, she could man handle him and yell. "I…brought the chair with. I never left it!"

Her eye twitched "Get in the car."

He crept to the car and sat down in the driver's seat and she sat next to him. "What were you even doing?!"

He grinned and handed her the envelope. "Open it!"

Somehow she knew this was something idiotic but she opened it anyway. Inside were the x-rays he took. The first was of his hand, middle finger raised. Then it was a picture of what she had to guess was his dick.

"I hope you die of radiation."

He blinked "What?"

"You know…x-rays give off radiation?"

"NO!" he yelled, squeaking a bit

"Now you know! Don't play with the machines anymore! You have any clue how much this will cost them?"

He shrugged "Then they should lock the door."

She shook her head "I hope you die from this. I will laugh."

He shook his head, knowing she was joking.

A smile crept to her lips. "You know radiation can shrink different body parts."

He paused and thought then his eyes widened "WHAT IF IT SHIRKS MY FIVE METERS OF AWESOME?!"

She laughed "Gil, we all know it isn't five meters."

He scoffed, hurt "You damn well know it is! OH NO WHAT IF THE RADIAITION IS WORKING NOW?!"

She burst into a fit of uncontrollable laughter. He looked like he was about to have a panic attack.

"Gil I'm just messing with you, radiation really doesn't shirk stuff to my knowledge."

He glared "You are an evil woman."

She grinned and shook her head, going through more of the x-rays, which basically ended up being his entire body.

"We can put all these together and make a version of my skeleton and put it on the wall!"

"I already have to deal with one of you, I don't want another."

He pouted "You wish you had two of me."

Smirking she replied "Maybe I wish there was none of you?"

He gasped and put a hand to his heart "You wound me."

"Good!"

He started the car and headed home.

"So why did you do this anyway?" she asked

"I got bored. You can't leave me in a setting like that and not expect something like this."

She sighed "You are twenty four…"

"WITH THE MENTAL CAPACTIY OF A 5 YEAR OLD!" he grinned and cheered

"A very fucked up five year old…" she muttered

He shrugged and easily drove, getting home shortly.

"Why did you really do the x-rays and not play doctor?" she asked before getting out.

"I didn't want to kill anyone?" he laughed "Plus…I thought this would make you laugh more. After you got all mad, you'd enjoy it."

She raised her eyebrow and he went on "Well isn't laughter the best medicine? I thought it would make you laugh…and I was bored!" he added quickly, just so it didn't sound overly sweet and caring.

He walked in the house and she stood in the drive way, holding the x-rays still. She smiled and laughed softly. A garbage can sat right in front of her, but she walked past it, holding the stupid pictures in her hand. She would keep them. Why?

Because the story that went with them would always make her laugh.

**I thought it was totally something Gil would do..**

**Thoughts? Almost done with this! **


	25. Chapter 25

**Y: Yoyo**

Gil ran into the house and pounced on Eliza, shoving a plastic package into her face.

"LOOK HOW AWESOME THIS IS!"

She sighed and punched him in the stomach, successfully getting him off her. As he held his stomach on the ground, she looked at the package. She blinked and stared a moment longer.

"You're this excited…over…a yoyo?"

He grinned and nodded, jumping up, pain forgotten. "Yes! It looks awesome!" he grabbed it from her and ran off, tearing open the plastic and beginning to play with his new toy.

While it was designed for five year olds, he happily entertained himself for over an hour. Eliza eventually went into the kitchen to start making dinner.

In a few minutes he yelled "I TRIED A NEW TRICK AND ITS STRANGLING MY HEAD!"

She paused and slowly set the pan she was holding down. Strangling…his head? It just...didn't sound right. And it was Gil after all…she was pretty sure it wasn't the head on top of his shoulders.

"HELP ME, GOD THIS IS WORSE THAN THE RING YOU GOT!"

She sighed. The ring…he didn't hate many things more than that. It proved her suspicion that he had his pants around his ankles.

"ARE YOU COMING, BECAUSE I'M NOT!"

Oh god, if there was any doubt before there was none now, he really had the yoyo around his dick.

"I CANT EVEN USE MY HAND, HELP ME WOMAN!"

Leave it to Gil to be cocky and perverted 24/7. "I really hope you lose blood circulation and it falls off. It'd serve you right."

He whined "I need my head!"

"No you don't!" she yelled back "Lots of men don't have any!"

Gil blinked. Who the hell didn't have a head "Like the Headless Horseman?"

She groaned. That was a terrible joke.

"COME IN HERE AND HELP ME DAMMIT!" he yelled, getting a bit more desperate.

She shook her head and sighed, slowly walking into the room and frowning. It was really around his head. His real head, the one with eyes and stuff. It was around his neck, pinning both wrist to his ears, keeping him from choking, but also moving his hands.

"Took you long enough." He growled

Well…that was a bit of a miscommunication… or her head was just in the gutter. She stepped forward and started to free his hands and head.

"What took you so long?" he demanded

She blushed a bit "I thought…you meant the…other part of your body…the one you prefer to think with."

He blinked then grinned "THAT WOULD BE AN AWESOME TRICK!"

Tonight was going to be a drinking night. "I am not helping you untangle that."

He laughed more, already planning it out. Francis and Antonio would be quite jealous.

"If you get it stuck you better just call an ambulance because I really and not helping!" she growled, freeing him and stepping back.

"This is a fantastic idea!" he laughed and ran upstairs.

She shook her head and mused to herself "The hospital is going to have a fun night. The guy with the yoyo around his dick, yes, great."

She went back to cooking and turned the radio up, so if Gil started to scream, she wouldn't hear.

Sometimes he just needed to learn on his own.

**Thoughts? **

**One more left!**


	26. Chapter 26

**Z: Zipper**

Liz was running around the house, in meltdown mode. She and Gil had to be downtown in a half hour for a dinner with the rest of their family.

Gil kept trying to smuggle a weapon with him to scare Roderich, but Eliza wouldn't let him.

"I only want to make him scream like a girl!" he protested

"No Gil! Now get dressed already!"

Gil grumbled and walked to his closet. She had already picked out clothes for him but he didn't feel like wearing them. Instead he decided to try and wear sweatpants and a hoodie.

He did not make it very far before Eliza caught him and glared "You look like a stoner, this is not what is laid out, go change!"

He looked her in the eye and decided she was a little too serious, so he slowly went back and changed.

But not into the clothes she picked out. No, that was way too easy. He really didn't want to go and be harassed by Vash or deal with Roderich all night. He looked at the clothes on the bed. A white shirt, a black tie and black dress pants.

"Am I a penguin?" he asked out loud, turning back to the closet. It didn't matter if he wore stuff like that all the time. Not tonight.

Eliza was touching up her hair and waiting for him still. He walked out in red tight jeans and a black form fitted t-shirt.

She didn't say anything. She didn't have to say anything. The way she glared and gripped the curling iron was enough.

"I don't like what you picked out…" he muttered

Her eye twitched "YOU WEAR THINGS LIKE THAT ALL THE TIME!"

"I'm not a penguin." he said and shrugged.

If she threw the curling iron at him, she could probably cover it with something, right? "I'm going to kill you…" she muttered, glaring

"Just don't bury me in those clothes!" he chimed and grinned, walking back into the room.

She took a deep breath and shook her head. Going to see Roderich was hard enough without the rest of his family there. Why couldn't Gil at least try to be normal and get dressed?

Not allowing him another chance she walked into the room, seeing him in the middle of trying to put on her dress.

"What? They're my family! They accept me!" he cried, fake pouting.

"What is wrong with the clothes I picked?!"

He looked at her "They are too black."

She blinked and stared. Too black…how…how were black dress pants… _too_black?

She just stood there and pinched the bridge of her nose. "If you aren't in the clothes I picked out, you are going there naked."

He smirked "What's so bad about that? I'll make all the guys jealous!"

"CLOTHES, NOW!" she screamed, going for the frying pan.

"OK!" he yelped and jumped away, pulling on the shirt and tie, then struggling into the pants.

"These are too small." He muttered

"You serious just put yourself in a pair of skinny jeans, suck it up." She growled, arms crossed over her chest.

"This zipper is going to like tear off my junk." He whined, getting the pants out, but leaving the zipper open.

Her patience was really running short and they needed to leave. She walked over, smacked him, grabbed his zipper and jerked it roughly up.

"There! Now let's go!" she didn't give him time to answer, for she grabbed his tie and jerked him out of the room and through the house, out to the car.

He choked and pulled his tie loose. "You are evil…" he muttered and sat down, letting her drive them.

Through the ride he was rather uncomfortable, not actually lying about his pants being tight. When they got to the restaurant he didn't even greet his brother or cousins, he just walked past them into the bathroom.

Eliza glared at his back and got a table with the rest of them. In a few moment she got a text from Gil, reading '_SOD, I need help! SOD! Men's bathroom!'_

She had no clue what 'SOD' meant, but she really didn't want to. She stood and walked to the door of the men's bathroom.

"What Gil?"

He opened the door and pulled her in, she blushed, but was happy to find no one in there.

"The hell?!" she growled, shoving him.

"These fucking pants are killing me! You got the zipper stuck on my damn boxers to!"

She sighed "So take care of it!"

"I can't! I need more than my hands! The zipper is to stiff." The way he smirked just rubbed her nerves. He just had to make this more awkward than it was.

Before anyone came in, she sighed and jerked his zipper, trying to get it detached from his boxers.

He bit his lip and kept watching the door, face heating up a bit. Once she noticed that, she jerked her hand on the zipper harder, making the situation a lot more tense and awkward for him.

The door opened and Ludwig walked in. He blinked and stood there a moment, face becoming very red.

"Hey West!" Gil grinned

Eliza didn't turn around, but her face got nearly as red as Ludwig's.

He turned around "Sorry to disturb..." and shut the door.

With a final jerk she got his zipper free.

"Never send me a message like that again." She growled and turned

"Did you like the SOD part?"

"I don't know what it meant and I don't want to know what it meant."

He smirked "It meant save our dick, instead of SOS meaning save our souls!"

Her eyes closed and she sighed, then walked out. She was so done for the day. She had enough of Gil and his zippers for the day.

But leave it to him to make a normal dinner with family awkward and perverted. She smiled a bit. It was better than the same old boring thing at least.

**Well this is the end! I am not doing double letters or going back to A! **

**Thank you for all the follows and favorites and reviews! Im glad so many people liked this! **

**There will be more Pruhun to come! I have a story planned so just follow me as an author, ill start it soon. **

**otherwise I have a one shot posted now.**

**oh and HA SEE I SAID ID FINISH IT! ALL 26 ! **

**Niw, any thoughts on his chapter off the story as whole?**

**-what was your favorite chapter? **


End file.
